Business Jokes

A blonde opened a hair salon next to a graveyard and named it "Curl Up and Dye."

Did you hear what the blonde who was opening a new bar said when her lawyer explained to her that she needed a liquor license?
→ "Oh, it's not gonna be THAT kind of a bar. That's disgusting!"

A blonde goes into a Best Buy. She asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner. The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.

The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing and again the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.

Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red. Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time. To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes. The blonde asks the clerk, "How do you know I am a blonde?"

The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says, "That's not a TV - it's a microwave."

Where do birds invest their money?
→ In the stork market!

When is the best time to buy budgies?
→ When they're going cheap!

How do you call a member of the financial staff of the faculty of Biology?
→ A Buy-ologist.

A group of goose biologists were meeting to brainstorm about the migration tactics of Canada geese. They were particularly interested in applying for a $100,000 Federal grant to investigate the "V" formation of goose flight. It had been observed that one side of the "V" is always longer than the other side.
This group would put together a research proposal to apply for the $100,000 grant and hopefully find out why this happens.

To start off the discussion, Todd, the Consulting Firm Biologist stands up and says in typical consultant fashion, "I say we ask for $200,000, and attempt to model the wind drag coefficients. We can have our geologists record and map the ground topography and then our staff meteorologists can predict potential updraft currents. Our internal CAD department can then produce 3-d drawings of the predicted wing tip vortices.
Then, after several years of study, our in-house publications department could produce a nice thick report full of charts and graphs."

The Senior Research Biologist, a professor at the local university, cleared his throat and responded, "No, no!, That's not it at all. We only need $150,000. We can train a group of domesticated geese to fly in formations of equal length and then compare their relative fitness to wild geese. We can then publish the results in the Journal of Wildlife Management."

About then, the hardworking field biologist stands up and begins walking for the door. "Where are you going?" the group asks. "I'm leaving" he replies, "I've heard enough. No one has to give me $100,000 to find out that the reason one side of the "V" is longer is simply because there are more damn geese on that side!"

A wildlife biologist is working in the woods, miles from the nearest town. He's camped alone with his dog and cat as his companions. Suddenly, an old gentleman carrying a small limp dog, franticly runs into his camp.
"Please, please help me! I think something has happened to Willie. Our Winnebago is parked just around the bend and we've seen you camped here. We didn't know what to do. We thought of you because we had seen all this scientific equipment laying around here. Can you help him?"
" Sir, I'm not a vet, I'm a wildlife biologist," the young biologist told the worried man.
"Can you please just have a look at him, I'll pay you anything you need. I just need to know. If he's still alive, maybe I can rush him into town."
"Ok, put him here on the table." The young biologist looks the limp dog over, but its plain that the dog is dead,, no pulse or signs of breathing.

"I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid poor Willie is dead."
"No, I can't believe that..... It can't be true...are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm quite sure."
"I just can't believe that....

With all this equipment, isn't there something you can do? I must be absolutely sure."
The biologist called his big yellow cat over to the table. The cat walked around the dead dog, occasionally sniffing at the carcass. He then looks up at the biologist and let out a few weak meows.
"Well, the cat say he's dead. Does that assure you?"
"No, I need more than that...

Do you have anything else?"
The biologist calls over his big black dog.
The dog circles the body a few times, sniffing it every now and then. After a few moments, the dog barks at the biologist.
"Well, now the dog says he's dead. That's all I can do for you sir."
"OK, well I guess its true. I'll take him back and bury him...

How much do I owe you?"
"It'll be $650 bucks." The biologist tells the old man.
"What??", replied the old man, "How can you charge that much??!!"
"Well sir, I could have told you he was dead for only a dollar, but you're the one that insisted on the cat scan and the lab tests!"

- Our bank manager can't ride a bike any more.

- Why not?

- He lost his balance.

A woman went to a sweet store to buy some sweets.
The boy behind the counter said "Gosh, your ugly aren't you?, I've never seen anyone so hideous as you before"
"Young man" she replied. "I didn't come here to be insulted"
"Really", he said, "Where do you usually go?"