Blonde Jokes

A blonde walks into a barber shop one day and asks the man if she can get her hair cut. The man says "Well ma'am, I can't cut your hair with those head-phones on. You're going to have to take them off." She shakes her head vigorously and replies "No, if I take them off, I will die." He put his hands on his hips and ripped them off of her head. She fell to the floor and died. He was extremely surprised and picked up the head-phones. All he heard was "Breathe in, breathe out, breath in."

How do you make a blonde go crazy?
→ Place them in a round room, and tell them to stand in the corner!

One day A Blonde girl was running out to check her mail and a neighbor was watching. 5 minutes later she checked it again this happened all through the day till the neighbor went outside and stopped her and asked her why she kept looking in her mail box and her reply was.

"My computer keeps telling me I have mail!"

There were three female explorers who decided that they would go explore the African jungle together. One blonde, one brunnette and one redhead. They were near the middle of the jungle when a rare african tribe surrounded them. The tribe said that the gods have sent them evil things and the explorers shall be destroyed. The tribe was going to shoot them with a bow and arrow in the head one at a time.

First they were going to shoot at the brunnette. She stepped up and they called 1-2-3 but before they could shoot she yelled TORNADO and everyone ducked and lay down on the ground and the brunnette ran way while they ducked. The tribe got mad and swore but did not go after her.

Then the redhead stepped up and they aimed and yelled 1-2-3.. but before they could shoot she screeched FLOOD and everyone jumped and climbed up the nearest tree. The redhead took advantage and ran away. They got really mad and swore but did not go after her. They didn't like people yelling fake incidents.

Then the blonde stepped up and she thought that yelling a mother nature disaster was a good idea. They yelled 1-2-3 and the blonde yelled FIRE!

There was once was a blonde woman who had just bought a house.

She called it Harrybutt.

She had a child and named in Crack.

She lost Crack and couldn't find him.

So she called the police and said, "I looked all over my Harrybutt and couldn't find my crack!"

What goes blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette?
→ A blonde doing cartwheels!

A bunch of blondes walk into a restaurant celebrating and chanting "28 days, 28 days, it only took us 28 days!!"

Everyone was wondering what took them 28 days and why they were celebrating. Finally, when the blondes were about to leave, a waitor goes up and asks "What took you 28 days, why are you celebrating??"

All the blondes say "We just finished a puzzle in 28 days and on the box it said 3-6 years!!!"

How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
→ She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.

What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
→ "Look! They spelled MACY's wrong!"

Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
→ Her blinker was on.

What do you call a blond skeleton in a clothes closet?
→ The 1960 hide-and-go-seek champion.

How did the blonde hurt herself while raking the leaves?
→ She fell out of the tree

How do you get a twinkle in a blonde's eye?
→ Shine a flashlight in her ear.

Why did God give every blonde two more brain cells than a cow?
→ So they don't moo-moo when you pull on their tits.

How do blonde brain cells die?
→ Alone.

A blonde says to a brunette, "Excuse me, but each time I sip my coffee, my eye seems to hurt."
The brunette says, "Well maybe you should take the spoon out of the cup."

A blonde was having sharp pains in her side.

The doctor examined her and said, "You have acute appendicitis."
The blond yelled at the doctor..."I came here to get medical help, not get a stupid compliment!!"

A blonde got a dent in her car and took it in to the repair shop.

The repairman, noticing that the woman was a blonde, decided to have a wee bit of fun.

So he told her all she had to was take it home and blow in the tailpipe until the dent popped itself out.

After 15 minutes of this, the blonde's blonde friend came over and asked what she was doing.

"I'm trying to pop out this dent, but it's not really working."

"Duh. You have to roll up the windows first!"

One day a blonde kept having the same weird dream everyday, so she went to her doctor.

- Doctor: What was your dream about?

- Blonde: I was being chase by a vampire!

- Doctor: (giggles quitely) So... what is the scenery like?

- Blonde: I was running in a hall way.

- Doctor: Then what happened?

- Blonde: Well that's the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happened. I always come to this door, but I can't open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it wouldn't budge!

- Doctor: Does the door have any letters on it?

- Blonde: Yes it did.

- Doctor: And what did these letter spell?

- Blonde: It said "Pull"