Blonde Jokes

What do you call a buncha Blondes in a freezer???
→ Frosted Flakes

A blonde and a brunette were watching the 11:00 pm news. The current news story was about a man up on a ledge and threatening to jump, when the station cuts to a commercial.

- Brunette: I bet you $20 he's going to jump.

- Blonde: OK.

(Back to newscast: He jumped!)

- Blonde: OK. I lost. Here's my $20 to you.

- Brunette: No, that was too easy. I can't take it.

- Blonde: I insist. I lost.

- Brunette: I have a confession to make. I saw the same thing on the 6:00pm news and I knew he jumped. So it wasn't really a good bet.

- Blonde: I know. I saw the same newscast at 6 too. But I didn't think he would be stupid enough to jump TWICE!

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar:

• Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
• Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
• Hand Job: $10.00

Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.

"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?"

"I was wondering", whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"

"Yes," she purrs, "I am."

The man replies "Well wash your hands, I want a cheese sandwich!"

The blonde reported for her University final examination which consists of "yes/no" type questions.

She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Yes for Heads and No for Tails. Within half an hour she is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out.

During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating.

The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on.

"I finished the exam in half and hour. But, she says, I am rechecking my answers!"

There was a blonde driving a ferrari. A cop pulls her over for speeding, the cop asks, "can I see your license and registration please!"

The blonde responds, "license and registration what is that?"

The cop respnds, "you will find your license in your purse and registration in your glove compartment."

The cop gets the license and registration and goes back to the car, and he calls dispatcher and reports it. The dispatcher replies, "this wouldnt be a blonde in a ferrari would it?" The cop replies, "yes it is." The dispatcher says, "go back to her car and drop your pants."

The cop responds back, "I cant do that!" The dispatcher says, "trust me, just do it!" then the cop replies, "ok whatever you say!"

So he walks back to her car, and drops his pants. The blonde turns around and says, "oh no, not another breathalizer test!"

There was a brunette, a blonde, and a redhead and they were in the third grade. Who had the biggest tits?
→ The blonde, because she was 18.

A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."

She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde".

The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the Blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The Blonde opened up the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"

A blonde walks into an electronics store and points to something behind the clerk.

"How much is that television set?" she asks.

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," the clerk said.

So, the girl walks out. The next day, she returns wearing a brown wig. She again approaches the clerk and asks "How much is that television set behind you?"

The clerk replies, "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."

Again, the girl walks out.

She again tries the next day, this time wearing a red wig. She goes up to the clerk and asks "How much is that television set behind you?" The clerk again replies, "We don't sell to blondes!"

Well, the girl was kind of suspicious.

She asks carefully, "How do you know I'm a blond?"

The clerk looks at the girl and says...

"Because that's not a television, it's a microwave!"

There was this blonde girl who had gotten fed up with blonde jokes, so she decided to dye her hair black.

So she did, and she was sooooo happy with it that she went to her car and drove around just to show off her new look. She was coming up to this intersection when she saw a shepeherd by the road waiting to cross with his flock of lambs. The girl stopped and waved him to pass.

While the flock was crossing the road, she asked the shepherd - "If I can guess how many sheep you got there, would you give me one?"

He thought about the offer for a minute and decided it was ok. The girl looked at the flock and exclaimed "487". The shepherd said "WOW! That's right...well...take any sheep you like...a deal's a deal." So she gets the animal and happily puts him in the back of her car, when the shepehrd says "WAIT!

Now I have a deal for you.... if I guess the real color of your hair can I have my dog back?"

What do you call a blonde behind a stearingwheel?
→ An airbag!