At Work

How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.

How many editors does it take to change a light bulb?
→ If we change the light bulb, we'll have to change everything.

How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ Does it have to be a light bulb?
I've got this neat candle holder...

How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?

How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ Just one, if he's got a good crew to do it.

How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ Just one more, guys, I promise.

How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ Just one... but how do you get him in there with the cute, blonde?

Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his desk when a PFC knocked on the door.
Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the PFC to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir."
Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, "What do you want?"
"Nothing important, sir," the PFC replied, "I'm just here to hook up your telephone."

An Air Force cargo plane was preparing for departure from Thule Air Base in Greenland. They were waiting for the truck to arrive to pump out the aircraft's sewage holding tank.
The Aircraft Commander was in a hurry, the truck was late in arriving, and the Airman performing the job was extremely slow in getting the tank pumped out.
When the commander berated the Airman for his slowness and promised punishment, the Airman responded: "Sir, I have no stripes, it is 20 below zero, I'm stationed in Greenland, and I am pumping sewage out of airplanes. Just what are you going to do to punish me?"

SIX PHASES OF THE MONTH IN NAVY RECRUITING

1. ENTHUSIASM
2. DISILUSIONMENT
3. PANIC
4. SEARCH FOR THE GUILTY
5. PUNISHMENT OF THE INNOCENT
6. PRAISE AND HONORS FOR THE NON-PARTICIPANTS