Animal Jokes

Did you hear about the snobby cow?
→ She thought she was a cutlet above the rest!

- Did you hear about the farmer who lost control of his tractor in the cow pasture?

- No! Did he hurt the cows?

- No, he just grazed them!

- Cow: Why don't you shoo those flies?

- Bull: I'll let them go barefoot!

A summer visitor asked the farmer how long cows should be milked.

- Oh, I reckon about the same as short ones! - the farmer answered.

Two storks are sitting in their nest: a father stork and baby stork. The baby stork is crying and crying and father stork is trying to calm him.

- Don't worry, son. Your mother will come back. She's only bringing people babies and making them happy.

The next night, it's father's turn to do the job. Mother and son are sitting in the nest, the baby stork is crying, and mother is saying:

- Son, your father will be back as soon as possible, but now he's bringing joy to new mommies and daddies.

A few days later, the stork's parents are desperate: their son has been absent from the nest all night! Shortly before dawn, he returns and the parents ask him where he's been all night.

The baby stork says:

- No where. Just scaring the hell out of college students!

President Clinton, returning from a campaign stop in Arkansas, is climbing the steps to board Air Force One. Under each arm he is carrying a souvenir of his trip -- a live razorback. At the top of the jetway, he is met by the guard, a Marine sergeant, who issues a crisp salute.

- I'd salute you back, Sergeant - says the President, but as you can see, I've got my hands full.

- Yes, sir - replies the sergeant.

- Very nice pigs, sir. Very nice pigs.

- Why, these aren't pigs - the President responds.

- These are RAZORBACKS!

- Yes, sir -- razorbacks. Sorry, sir.

- Yup - Clinton continues.

- Got this one for Chelsea, and this one for Hillary.

The sergeant replies:

- Very good trade, sir -- very good trade.

Did you know that Clinton's cat can play Chess?
→ Inside Information: The cat isn't really all that good at Chess.
The last time they played best of five, Clinton won three games to two.

Why does Santa Claus only have seven reindeer?
→ Because Prancer moved in with a hairdresser in Beverly Hills.

Did you hear that one of Santa's reindeer now works for Proctor and Gamble?
Its true....

Comet cleans sinks!

What is the cow's holiday greeting?
→ Mooooory Christmas!