Animal Jokes

How did Gertie Gorilla make the 'Playboy' Calendar?
→ She was 'Miss Ape-ril!'

How did a Gorilla come to be with Washington at Valley Forge?
→ He had seen a sign saying:

- Uncle Simian Wants You!

How come the giant Ape climbed up the side of the skyscraper?
→ The elevator was broken!

Do Apes kiss?
→ Yes, but never on the first date!

Do you know a favourite expression used by the Gorillas?
→ Apesy daisy!

Why does Rilla get mad when he's in a race?
→ Because all his friends shout:

- GO-RILLA!

What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
→ Bamboo.

One night, after closing time a barman is sitting at his bar minding his own business, when a spectral hound floats in through the door. The barman, being an exceptionally cool kind of guy, asks "Yeah, what do you want?". The phantom hound explains, in a haunting voice, "I've lost my tail...... and cannot rest until a kindly barman stitches it back-on". At this request the barman stands back astonished and says to the phantom dog..... "Sorry, but we don't re-tail spirits at this time of night".

Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond.

The frog said to the princess:

- I once was a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel happy doing so.

That night, while the princess dined on frog legs, she kept laughing and saying:

- I don't THINK so.

A frog came into a bank to obtain a loan. He spoke to the loan officer Mr. Paddywack. When Mr. Paddywack asked the frog what he had for loan collateral, the frog held out his hand.

- What's that? - asked Mr. Paddywack, but the frog could not talk. So, Mr. Paddywack took the frog in to see the manager and explained the situation.

The manager then asked the frog what collateral he had for the loan and the frog held out his hand:

- Oh, that's a knickknack Paddywack, give the frog a loan. - said the manager.