Newest jokes

Why do University of Arkansas graduates tape their diplomas to the windshields of their cars?
→ So they can park in handicapped spaces.

- Teenage Driver: But, officer, I'm a college man.

- Policeman: Sorry, but ignorance is no excuse.

An applicant was being interviewed for admission to a prominent medical school.

- Tell me, - inquired the interviewer, - where do you expect to be ten years from now?

- Well, let's see, - replied the student.

- It's Wednesday afternoon. I guess I'll be on the golf course by now.

How can you tell Bill Clinton apart from a cow?
→ By the wise look in the eyes.

Saddam Hussein calls President Clinton and tells him:

- Bill, I had a wonderful dream last night. I could see America, the whole beautiful country, and on each house I saw a banner.

- What did it say on the banners? - Clinton asks.

Saddam replies:

- Allah is god, god is Allah.

Clinton says:

- You know, Saddam, I am really happy you called. Last night I had a similar dream. I could see all of Baghdad, and it was more beautiful than ever. It had been rebuilt completely, and on each house flew an enormous banner.

- What could you see on the banners? - Saddam asks.

Clinton replies:

- I don't know. I can't read Hebrew.

What is the difference between Dan Quayle, Bill Clinton and Jane Fonda?
→ Jane Fonda went to Vietnam.

What's the difference between Hillary Clinton and a pit bull?
→ The pit bull doesn't carry a briefcase.

How does Bill Clinton say "I'm about to hurt you"?
→ "Trust me."

What do you get if you cross an apple with a Christmas tree?
→ A pineapple!

Why is a burning candle like being thirsty?
→ Because a little water ends both of them!