A guy goes up to this girl in a bar and says:
- Would you like to dance?
The girl says:
- I don't like this song, but even if I did, I wouldn't dance with you.
The guy says:
- I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants.
A Scotsman is sitting in a bar in Cuba and is minding his business when a man with a large black beard walks in. The man goes to the bar and orders a shot of whisky. The bartender serves him, the man drinks the whisky then starts walking out the door. The bartender says:
- Hey aren't you going to pay for that?
The man says:
- Excuse me, Castro's Army.
The bartender says:
- Alright then
and the man leaves.
A few minutes later another man with a large black beard walks in. The man goes to the bar and orders a shot of whisky. The bartender serves him, the man drinks the whisky then starts walking out the door. The bartender says:
- Hey aren't you going to pay for that?
The man says:
- Excuse me, Castro's Army.
The bartender says:
- Alright then
and the man leaves.
The Scotsman gets an idea and walks up to the bar and orders a shot of whisky. He drinks the whisky then starts walking out the door. The bartender says:
- Hey aren't you going to pay for that?
The Scotsman says:
- Excuse me, Castro's Army.
The bartender says:
- Hey where is your big black beard?
The Scotsman thinks quickly. He lifts his Kilt and says:
- Secret Service!
A Russian walks into a bar and orders a beer.
- That will be one ruble - says the bartender.
- One ruble! - the customer protests
- last week it was only fifty kopeks!
- Well - replies the bartender
- it's fifty kopeks for the beer and fifty kopecs for the perestroika.
Reluctantly, the customer gives the bartender a ruble, and is surprised when the bartender gives him back fifty kopecs and says:
- We are out of beer.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Chuck.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of pregnancy in the world. Proceed with caution.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember).
