Newest jokes

The housewife answered a knock on the door and found a total stranger standing on the doorstep.

- Excuse me for disturbing you, ma'am - he said politely, but I pass your house every morning on my way to work, and I've noticed that every day you appear to be hitting your son on the head with a loaf of bread.

- That's right.

- Every day you hit him on the head with a loaf of bread, and yet this morning you were beating him with a chocolate cake.

- Well, today is his birthday.

Good news! I've been given a goldfish for my birthday...
the bad news is that I don't get the bowl until my next birthday!

- Look at that speed! - said one hawk to another as the jet fighter plane hurtled over their heads.

- Hmph! - snorted the other.

- You would fly fast too if your tail was on fire!

A couple of pigeons made a date to meet on the ledge outside the tenth floor of a skyscraper. The female was there on time, but the male arrived an hour late.

- Where were you? I was worried sick.

- It was such nice day, I decided to walk.

How many ducks would there be, if you saw two ducks in front of two ducks, two ducks between two ducks, and two ducks behind two ducks?
→ 4 ducks-because they are in a row.

Why did the chicken cross the road in Missouri?
→ To show the opossum it could be done.

Chicken to turkey: "Only Thanksgiving and Christmas??? You're lucky, with us it's any Sunday."

What kind of doctor does a duck visit?
→ A Ducktor.

Did you hear about the chicken that wanted to take ballet lessons?
→ He wanted to be a hentertainer.

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
→ Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls (bagels, get it?).