Newest jokes

A whole family was caught in a small boat during a sudden storm off the shores of Florida, but towed to safety in Fort Lauderdale by the ever alert U.S. Coast Guard.

- I always knew God would take care of us - said the composed five year old daughter of the boat owner after the family got home.

- I like to hear you say that - beamed the mother.

- Always remember that God is in His heaven watching over us.

- Oh, I wasn't talking about THAT God - the five year old interrupted.

- I was talking about the COAST God.

Son to his father as they watch television:

- Dad, tell me again how when you were a kid you had to walk all the way across the room to change the channel.

- Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass but you've only drawn the cow?

- Pupil: Yes, the cow ate all the grass!

- Mum: From now on your going to have free school dinners.

- Son: But, Mum, I don't want three school dinners, one is more than enough!

- Mother: Let me see your report son.

- Son: Here it is, Mother, but don't show it to Dad. He's been helping me!

- Father: You've got 4 D's and a C on your report.

- Son: Maybe I concentrated too much on the one subject!

- Father: What did you learn in school today?

- Son: That three and three are seven.

- Father: Three and three are six!

- Son: I guess I didn't learn anything today then!

A father is asked by his friend:

- Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?

- Yes, he wants to be a garbage collector - he replies

To this his friend responds:

- Strange ambition to have for a career.

- Well, he thinks that garbage collectors only work on Tuesdays!

A sweet little boy surprised his grandmother one morning and brought her a cup of coffee. He made it himself and was so proud. He anxiously waited to hear the verdict on the quality of the coffee. The grandmother had never in her life had such a bad cup of coffee, and as she forced down the last sip she noticed three of those little green army guys in the bottom of the cup.

She asked:

- Honey, why would three little green army guys be in the bottom of my cup?

Her grandson replied:

- You know grandma, it's like on TV, 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup.

My granddaughter came to spend a few weeks with me, and I decided to teach her to sew. After I had gone through a lengthy explanation of how to thread the machine, she stepped back, put her hands on her hips, and said in disbelief, "You mean you can do all that, but you can't operate my Game Boy?"