Newest jokes

Why does Father Christmas like to work in the garden?
→ Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe

What do you call a man who claps at Christmas?
→ Santapplause!

Father Christmas win a saucepan in a competition.
Now thats what you call pot luck!

What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective?
→ Santa Clues!

Can I have a broken drum for Christmas?
→ The best thing you could have asked for. You can't beat it!

What happens to you at Christmas?
→ Yule be happy!

What do you give a train driver for Christmas?
→ Platform shoes!

A schoolteacher was trying to teach her six-year old class students how to say the pledge of allegiance to the flag. The schoolteacher said, O.K. children begin by putting your hand over your little heart and repeat with me, I pledge allegiance to the HOLD IT! HOLD IT! Johnny, why is your hand over your butt cheek instead of your heart? Johnny relied! I can't. Teacher asks, why not? Well you see, when my ant comes over to pick me up and pats my bottom and says, BLESS YOUR LITTLE HEART!!!!!!

Little Johnny's class were on an outing to their local police station where they saw pictures, of the ten most wanted men, tacked to a bulletin board. On the way out of the police station Little Johnny said to the officer, "it was so nice of you to put my daddy's picture up there."

After the baby was baptized, her four-year-old brother was crying inconsolably in the back seat of the car.

- What's the matter Johnny? - asked his concerned mother.

Johnny replied:

- that man said that he hoped our baby would be raised in a good Christian home...

- I just want her to stay with you guys.