Newest jokes

Who succeeded the first President of the USA?
→ The second one!

Why does history keep repeating itself?
→ Because we weren't listening the first time!

Where did the pilgrims land when they came to America?
→ On their feet!

Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
→ He wanted Mark Antony!

What was the greatest accomplishment of the early Romans?
→ Speaking Latin!

Why did the Pilgrims create Thanksgiving?
→ They wanted another excuse to watch football.

There are three ways a man wears his hair - parted - unparted or departed

A guy walks in to the Barbershop.
Barber says:

- What will it be today?

Guy says:

- well I want it going with my waves on top, faded on one side, plug the other, and just make it all out of shape and messed up.

Barber says:

- Now why in the world do you want your hair cut like that.

Guy says:

- That's how you cut it last time

A woman was cutting her husband's thinning hair, when their teenage son arrived home looking for a snack.

She offered a kiwifruit and tried to tempt him with its nutritious qualities.

- It has more vitamin C than an orange - she remarked.

- And more hair than Dad - added their son.

Why are brunettes so proud of their hair?
→ It matches their mustaches.