Newest jokes

- I use the internet to tell me what the weather's like.

- How do you do that?

- I carry my laptop outside and if it gets wet, I know it's raining!

- I see you've got your bill for using the Internet

- Yes, and my dad's really going to get the hump!

- I never thought that the Internet was very useful, but now I've changed my mind.

- Let's hope your new one works better then the one you had before.

- I hope you're not one of those pupils who spends all day on the Net and doesn't get any exercise.

- Oh, no, miss, I often sit around watching TV and not getting exercise either.

- I hear you've been tracing your ancestors on the internet...

- Yes - and it's a mammoth task!

How does the vicar explore the Internet?
→ With the church mouse.

How do you find white shirts on the Internet?
→ Use a starch engine.

- Does your mum like shopping on the Internet?

- No, the trolley keeps rolling off the top of the computer.

One ant was running across an unopened box of crackers and urging another to speed up.

- But why do we have to hurry? - said one.

- Can you read, you nut! It says, 'Tear along the dotted line'.

How do fireflies lose weight?
→ They burn calories.