Newest jokes

At a convention of biological scientists one researcher remarks to another:

- Did you know that in our lab we have switched from mice to lawyers for our experiments?

- Really? - the other replied:

- Why did you switch?

- Well, for four very good reasons. First we found that lawyers are far more plentiful, second, the lab assistants don't get so attached to them, third there are some things even a rat won't do, and fourth sometimes it very hard to extrapolate our test results to human beings.

A Frenchman, an Englishman, an American man, and a lawyer were sitting on a train.

The Frenchman offered everyone some of his baguette, then threw it out the window, saying:

- Don't worry - we have plenty of those where I come from.

The Englishman offered everyone a crumpet, then threw the rest out of the window, saying:

- Don't worry - we have plenty of those where I come from.

Then the American threw the lawyer out the window, saying...

Where is the best place to hide a lawyer?
→ In a brief case.

What kind of clothes do lawyers wear?
→ Lawsuits.

Why didn't Cupid shoot his arrow at the lawyer's heart?
→ Because even Cupid can't hit a target that small!

A doctor was vacationing at the seashore with his family. Suddenly, he spotted a fin sticking up in the water and fainted.

- Darling, it was just a shark - said his wife when he came to.

- You've got to stop imagining that there are lawyers everywhere.

Why don't lawyers enjoy playing golf?
→ Because it's too much like work, what with all of the lying involved.

What do lawyers do after they die?
→ They lie still.

- Lawyer: Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly? Did you steal the car?

- Client: After hearing your amazing argument in court this morning, I'm beginning to think I didn't.

- Lawyer: Let me give you my honest opinion.

- Client: No, no. I'm paying for professional advice.