Newest jokes

Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger.
What do men dream of?
→ Being stuck in a lift with the Spice girls.

Why is the book "Women Who Love Too Much" a disappointment for many men?
→ No phone numbers.

Where is the best place in a book store to find a man who is handsome, a good lover and a stimulating partner?
→ In the pages of a romance novel.

Did you hear about the new "morning after" pill for men?
→ It changes their blood type.

What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?

1. No mind
2. No business.

If a man says something in the middle of a forest, and there is no women around to hear him, is he still wrong?

Two confirmed bachelors sat talking. Their conversation drifted from politics to cooking.

- I got a cookbook once, but I could never do anything with it - said the first.

- Too much fancy cooking in it, eh? - asked the second.

- You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way - 'Take a clean dish and....'

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God:

- Lord, I have a problem!

- What's the problem, Eve?

- Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedy snake, but I'm just not happy.

- Why is that, Eve? - came the reply from above.

- Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples.

- Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you.

- What's a 'man', Lord?

- This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, an enormous ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you properly. All in all, he'll give you a hard time. But, he'll be bigger and faster and more muscular than you. He'll be really good at fighting and kicking a ball about and hunting fleet-footed ruminants, and not altogether bad in the sack.

- Sounds great - says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.

- Yeah, well. He's better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick. But, you can have him on one condition.

- What's that, Lord?

- You'll have to let him believe that I made him first.

How do you scare a man?
→ Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice.

There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men:

"don't" and "stop".