Newest jokes

- Have you heard about the new aftershave that drives women crazy?

- No! Tell me about it.

- It smells of $50 dollar bills.

A doctor had been attending a rich old man for some time, but it became apparent that the old chap had not long to live.

Accordingly, the doctor advised his wealthy patient to put his affairs in order.

- Oh yes, I've done that - said the old gentleman.

- I've only got to make a will. And do you know what I'm going to do with all my money? I'm going to leave it to the doctor who saves my life.

- Who dropped a wad of notes with an elastic band round them?

- I did!

- Well, here's the elastic band.

- Fred: Thank you so much for lending me that money. I shall be everlastingly in your debt.

- Harry: That's what I'm afraid of!

The best way of saving money is to forget who you borrowed it from.

What happened when Dumbo went to a mind reader?
→ They gave him his money back.

- I hate paying my income tax.

- You should be a good citizen - why don't you pay with a smile?

- I'd like to but they insist on money

- Dad, would you like to save some money?

- I certainly would, son.

- Any suggestions?

- Sure. Why not buy me a bike, then I won't wear my shoes out so fast.

Three animals were having a drink in a cafe, when the owner asked for the money.

- I'm not paying - said the duck.

- I've only got one bill and I'm not breaking it.

- I've spent my last buck - said the deer.

- Then the duck'll have to pay - said the skunk.

- Getting here cost me my last scent.

How can you double your money?
→ By folding it in half.