Newest jokes

- Here's a good book - said the sales assistant in the book shop to Mrs Monster. How To Help Your Husband Get Ahead.

- No, thank you - said Mrs Monster. My husband's got two heads already. . .

Why did the monster dye her hair yellow?
→ To see if blondes have more fun.

What's big and ugly and drinks out of the wrong side of the glass?
→ A monster trying to get rid of hiccups.

Did you hear about the monster with five legs?
→ His trousers fit him like a glove.

What's the difference between a monster and a mouse?
→ A monster makes bigger holes in the skirting board.

Where do space monsters live?
→ In far distant terror-tory.

Where do you find monster snails?
→ On the end of monsters fingers.

How do you stop a monster from smelling?
→ Cut off his nose.

What would you get if you crossed a monster with a redcoat?
→ A bigger target.

What did the monster say to the Thanksgiving turkey?
→ "Pleased to eat you!"