Newest jokes

- FRED MONSTER: My sister must be twenty. I counted the rings under her eyes.

- BERT MONSTER: That's nothing. My sister's tongue is so long, she can lick an envelope after she's posted it.

What do you get if you cross a bird with a monstrous snarl?
→ A budgerigrrrrr!

- FIRST HUMAN BOY: I can lift a monster with one hand.

- SECOND HUMAN BOY: Bet you can't!

- FIRST HUMAN BOY: Find me a monster with one hand and I'll prove it.

How can you tell if a monster has a glass eye?
→ When it comes out in conversation.

What is a monster's favourite society?
→ The Consumers' Association.

What's big and hairy and goes 'beep beep'?
→ A monster in a traffic jam.

An enormous monster with eight arms and eleven legs walked into a tailors shop.

- Quick! - shouted the tailor to his assistant. Hide the "Free Alterations" sign!

What do sea monsters have for dinner?
→ Fish and ships.

If storks bring human babies, what bring monster babies?
→ Cranes.

A very tall monster with several arms and legs, all of different lengths, went into a tailor's shop.

- I'd like to see a suit that will fit me - he told the tailor.

- So would I, sir - said the tailor. So would I.