Newest jokes

What has four legs and eight arms?
→ A pit-bull terrier at a children's play area.

It's so easy to milk a cow. Any jerk can do it.

A man takes his sick dog to the vet. The vet lifts the dog onto the operating table, looks down and says "Say ahhhhhhhhhhh!"

The man looks at the vet and says "The dog can't speak".

The vet says to the man "I was talking to YOU. The dog's dead!!!"

A Duck walks into a bar.

- Duck: You got any bread?

- Barman: No, sorry, we don't have any bread

[After a few minutes]

- Duck: You got any bread?

- Barman: Look, we don't have any bread

[In a little while]

- Duck: You got any bread?

- Barman: We don't have any F*****g bread!

[Some time later]

- Duck: Got any bread?

- Barman: If you ask me if I've got any F*****g bread once more I'm gonna nail your F*****g bill to this bar..................

- Duck: You got any nails?

- Barman: NO!

- Duck: You got any bread?

What's the difference between a bull and a cow?
→ A bull smiles when you milk it.

What do you do when a Rottweiler gets amorous on your leg?
→ Fake an orgasm.

What did the elephant say to the naked man?
→ That's cute, but can it pick up peanuts!

What do chain saws and monkeys have in common?
→ They both fuck up trees!

Did you hear about the blind skunk who fell in love with a fart?

One day Mongo is in his back yard digging a hole. His neighbor, seeing him there, decides to investigate.

"Whatcha doin?" he asked. Mongo replies, "My goldfish died and I'm burying him."

"That's an awful big hole for a goldfish, ain't it?" asked the neighbor. Mongo shot back, "That's because he's inside your fuckin' cat!"