Newest jokes

A lady with a large flowery hat was stopped at the church door by the usher.

- Are you a friend of the bride ? - he asked.

"Certainly not," she snapped, "I'm the groom's mother."

A student engineer in the office got engaged some time ago. At her wedding, I was reminding her of the first day she wore her ring. None of the other women in the office even noticed.

Finally, in sheer and total exasperation, she said:

- Boy !!! It's so warm in here today, I think I'll take off my ring.

A few moments after the daughter announced her engagement, her Father asked:

- Does this fellow have any money ?

The daughter shook her head sadly. "Oh Daddy ! You men are all alike." sighing deeply, she replied, "That's exactly what he asked me about you."

Some time after their bitter divorce, a man happened to pull up alongside his ex-wife at a traffic signal. He shouted over:

- So... out looking for a little, huh ?

She smiled sweetly and said:

- No, I had 6 years of that with you. I'm out looking for a lot !!!

Following a bitter divorce a husband saw his wife at a party and sneered:

- You know, I was a fool when I married you.

The wife simply sighed and replied:

- Yes, dear, I know, but I was in love and didn't really notice.

Two men are talking. The first sez:

- I got married because I was tired of eating out, cleaning the house, doing the laundry and wearing shabby clothes.

"Amazing," said the second, "I just got divorced for the very same reasons."

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house. He got the outside.

A man driving outside of Baltimore, Maryland was southbound on Interstate 95 in the far right hand lane traveling at 55 mph, minding his own business. He noticed in his rear view mirror that a Maryland State Trooper was right behind him. A mile later nothing changed, except now he's driving at 65 mph, the maximum limit. Several miles further along, the Trooper's right on his bumper and the man increases his speed to 75 mph. The Trooper activates his lights and siren and the man reluctantly pulls onto the shoulder.

After the Trooper demands the man's driver's license and registration, he sez:

- Mr. Smith, I cannot for the life of me figure out why, when you knew I was behind you for quite some time, you sped up knowing that you could be cited for speeding. What in the world caused you to do that ?

The man looked relieved, stared the Trooper directly in the eye and softly spoke:

- Trooper, three months ago, my wife ran off with a Maryland State Trooper. I thought you were him, bringing her back.

A man happened to meet his ex-wife at a party, and after a few drinks, he suggested that they might have another try at marriage. His ex-wife sneered in reply:

- Over my dead body !

He downed his drink and replied:

- Well, I see you haven't changed one little bit.