Last winter I was laid up at home with the flu. My fiancee' called and volunteered to come over and fix dinner and play nursemaid to me. I declined, not wanting to pass on the flu to her. "Okay honey", she told me, "Will wait till after we get married. Then we can spend the rest of our lives making each other sick!"
While they were taking up the collection, John leaned forward and said:
- Hey, Marie, how about you and me go to dinner next Friday?
- Why Yes, John, that would be nice - said Marie.
Well, John couldn't believe his luck. All week long he polished up his car, and on Friday he picked up Marie and took her to dinner, the finest restaurant in Raleigh. When they sat down, John looked over at Marie said:
- Hey, Marie, would you like a cocktail before dinner?
- Oh, no, John - said Marie. - What would I tell my Sunday School class?
Well, John was setback a bit, so he didn't say much until after dinner. Then he reached in his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes.
- Hey, Marie - said John - Would you like a smoke?
- Oh, no, John - said Marie. - What would I tell my Sunday School class?
Well, John was feeling pretty low after that, so he just got in his car and was driving Marie home when they passed the Holiday Inn. He'd struck out twice already, so he figured he had nothing to lose.
- Hey, Marie - said John - how would you like to stop at this motel with me?
- Sure, John, that would be nice - said Marie.
Well, John couldn't believe his luck. He did a U-turn right then and there across the median and everything, and drove back to the motel and checked in with Marie.
The next morning John got up first. He looked at Marie lying there in the bed. What have I done? What have I done? - thought John. He shook Marie and she woke up.
- Marie, I've got to ask you one thing - said John. - What are you going to tell your Sunday School class?
Marie said:
- The same thing I always tell them......... You don't have to smoke and drink to have a good time.
What do Marriage and a Tornado have in common?
→ Well you start off with a lot of blowing and then sucking, and then next thing you know your house is gone!
I'll never forget the first time I saw my husband, He was standing on a hill, his hair blowing in the breeze, and he too proud to run after it.
Robinson came home in great excitement and said to his wife:
- You'll never believe it, dear, but I've discovered an entirely new position for lovemaking.
- Really - said Mrs. Robinson, interested at once.
- What is it?
- Back to back.
- But that's crazy. We can't do anything back to back.
- Yes we can. I've persuaded another couple to help out.
A man called the undertaker one afternoon and sobbed:
- Come and bury my wife.
- But I buried your wife ten years ago - replied the undertaker.
- I got married again - the man sobbed.
- Oh - said the undertaker. - Congratulations.
A somewhat drunk man feels a bald man's head and says:
- Say, your head feels just like my wife's ass.
The bald man feels his own head and says with a grin:
- You know, you're right!
Bob stood over his tee short on the 18th hole for what seemed like forever. He'd waggle, look down, look up, but never start his backswing. Finally David, his playing partner, asked:
- Why on Earth are you taking so long to make this shot?
- My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse, and I want to make this shot a good one - said Bob.
- Good Lord - said David - you haven't got a chance of hitting her from here.
Dear Abby:
I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober....
"My girl, Ginger, is going to die of syphilis," mumbles an angry biker to one of his buddies. "No," says the friend, "people don't die of syphilis anymore." The angry biker replies, "They do when they give it to me!"
