Newest jokes

These two guys are car pooling home from work one day. Traffic is barely crawling along and they are both a bit bored. So the driver is looking around and suddenly he points at two dogs having sex on someone's front lawn.

- Look - he shouts - What are the those dogs doing? are they fighting?

The passenger, being a man of the world, replies:

- They are having sex. Don't tell me that you have never had sex doggie style before?

The driver, a bit embarrassed, admits that he has never had sex doggie style. So the passenger says:

- You have to try it. Its pretty cool. Here's what you do. Tonight when you get home, fix your wife a margarita and then suggest that you want to try this new sexual position.

The driver thinks a bit and then decides he will give it a try. The next morning, the two commuters are back in the car and the passenger asks:

- Well, how did it go?

To which the driver replies:

- It was great. But it took me 6 Margaritas just to get her on the front lawn.

What's the difference between a transvestite sailor and Monica Lewinsky's wardrobe?
→ When you have a transvestite sailor, you have a dress on a seaman.

What's the difference between a regular toad and a horney toad?
→ A regular toad croaks "Ribbit Ribbit" while a horney toad croaks "Rub-it Rub-it"

Why was Raggedy Ann thrown out of the toy store?
→ She was caught sitting on Pinocchio's face and shouting "Lie lie lie!"

Three Irish women were discussing their respective mates over tea.

- I call my man 'Eight,' - said the first woman, - Because he's got eight inches, and we do it eight times a day.

The second woman said in response:

- I call my man 'Ten' because his dong is ten inches long, and we do it ten times every night.

The first woman then asked the third woman:

- What do you call your man?

She answered:

- 'Creme de Menthe.'

- Why? Isn't that a liqueur? - the other two wanted to know.

- Yep, it is, - said the woman, continuing, - yeah, you betcha!

How can a man tell when his sperm count is elevated?
→ His girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.

The Seven Dwarfs were all in bed feeling Happy-then he got out of bed so they felt Grumpy instead.....

This joke sucks....

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says:

- I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.

The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear:

- Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?

It was a somber day in Disney land, Mickey And Minnie were in divorce court.. The judge was about to make his decision he said:

- Im sorry mickey, I cant grant you a divorce based on your statement that Minnie has prominant teeth

Mickey retorted:

- I DIDNT SAY SHE had prominent teeth, I SAID SHE WAS FUCKING GOOFY!!

How do you clean a condom?
→ Turn it inside out and shake the fuck out of it!