Newest jokes

A guy starts talking to two women in a bar, they turn out to be Siamese twins, and they wind up back at his apartment. He makes love to one, and then starts to work on the other. He realizes that the first one might get bored watching, so he asks her what she'd like to do.

She says:

- Is that a trombone in the corner? I'd love to play your trombone.

So she plays it while he screws her sister.

A few weeks later, the girls are walking past the guy's apartment building. One of the girls says:

- Let's stop up and see that guy.

The other girl says:

- Gee... do you think he'd remember us?

Three little old ladies, sitting on a park bench.

The town flasher comes by and shows them his ALL!

The first little old lady had a huge stroke. The second little old lady had a little stroke. The third little old lady would have had a stroke................ but her arms weren't quite long enough.

Why are women so bad at mathematics?
→ Because men keep telling them that this |<---------------------->| is 12 inches.

A tourist from Albegestan goes on his first overseas trip.

Upon arriving, he is visibly puzzled filling his visa application. The border official looks over his shoulder, and sees the tourist trying to write 'Twice a week' into the small space labeled 'SEX'.

The official explains:

- No, no, no. That is not what we mean by this question. We are asking 'Male' or 'Female'.

- Doesn't matter - the tourist answers.

A guy walks into an elevator and stands next to a beautiful woman.

After a few minutes he turns to her and says:

- Can I smell your pussy?

The woman looks at him in disgust and says:

- Certainly not!

- Hmmm - he replies.

- It must be your feet, then.

There were three women sitting in a bar and they were discussing how much their husbands could get up their crotch.

The first woman said:

- My husband can get his whole hand up me.

The second lady said:

- My husband can get his whole head up me.

The third lady slid down the bar stool.

Nancy Reagan is the celebrity contestant on Password. It's her turn to guess the word.

- Voice Over: And the password is... black dick!

- Nancy: Um... is it a place?

- Her partner: No.

- Nancy: Is it a person?

- Her partner: No.

- Nancy: Hmm, then it must be a thing. Um, is it something I might want to eat?

- Her partner, exasperated: Well, I dunno, maybe.

- Nancy: Is it black dick?

Two dwarfs pick up two hookers and take them to their hotel rooms.

The first dwarf not only can't get a hard-on, but all night he has to listen to the other dwarf and the other hooker grunting:

- One, two three, uhh... one, two three, uhh...

In the morning, the second dwarf says to the first dwarf:

- So how was it?

The first dwarf says:

- It sucked. I couldn't get a hard-on all night.

The second dwarf says:

- You think that's bad? I couldn't even get up on the fucking bed.

What's the difference between pussy and apple pie?
→ You can eat your Mom's apple pie.

What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
→ Full.