Newest jokes

Two men are meeting on the street.

- It was very cold this morning.

- How cold was it?

- I do not no exactly, but I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.

A young lawyer, starting up his private practice, was very anxious to impress potential clients. When he saw the first visitor to his office come through the door, he immediately picked up his phone and spoke into it, "I am sorry, but my workload is so tremendous that I am not going to be able to look into your problem for at least a month. I shall have to get back to you then." He then turned to the man who had just walked in, and said, "Now, what can I do for you?" "Nothing," replied the man. "I am here to hook up your phone."

A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter.

Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to a neighbour of his. The neighbour happened to be a lawyer. Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbour and said:

- Hey, if your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liable for the cost of the meat?

The lawyer replied:

- Of course, how much was the roast?

- $7.98.

A few days later the butcher received a check in the mail for $7.98. Attached to it was an invoice that read:

- Legal Consultation Service: $150.

On visting a seriously ill lawyer in the hospital, his friend found him sitting up in the bed, frantically leafing through the bible. "What are you doing?" asked the friend. "Looking for loopholes," repied the lawyer.

A hill country husband died and left everything to his wife.

He put a provision in his will though that she couldn't touch any of it until she turned 14.

What is the worst thing about our justice system?
→ You're leaving your fate in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty!

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
→ How many can you afford?

How many lawyers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
→ The real question is: How much can the light bulb afford to be screwed for?

What is the proper weight for an attorney?
→ About 3 pounds, .......not counting the urn!

What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?
→ You should take your workboots off before you jump on a trampoline.