Newest jokes

- Doctor: Did you know that there are more than 1,000 bones in the human body?

- Larry: Shhh, doctor! There are three dogs outside in the waiting room!

- Patient (to cosmetic surgeon): Will it hurt me, doctor?

- Surgeon: Only when you get my bill, Mrs Brown.

- Patient: Doctor, what does the X-ray of my head show?

- Doctor: Absolutely nothing!

- Nurse: Doctor, there is a man in the waiting room with a glass eye named Brown.

- Doctor: What does he call his other eye?

A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital. The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands.

- Doctor, - says the man excitedly and dramatically holds up his heavily bandaged hands.

- Will I be able to play the piano when these bandages come off?

- I don't see why not, - replies the doctor.

- That's funny, - says the man.

- I wasn't able to play it before.

A doctor is talking to a car mechanic:

- Your fee is several times more per hour then we get paid for medical care.

- Yeah, but you see, doc, you have always the same model, it hasn't changed since Adam; but we have to keep up to date with new models coming every month.

A man, seeking to lose some of his excess weight, visited the local doctor.

- John: How can I lose twelve pounds of ugly fat?

- Doctor: Of course! Cut your head off.

A patient walks into a doctor's office.

- Patient: Doctor, people ignore me.

- Doctor: Next!

- Patient: Doctor, if I give up wine, women, and song, will I live longer?

- Doctor: Not really. It will just seem longer.

- Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people.

- Doctor: Tell me about your problem.

- Patient: I just did, didn't I, you stupid fool!!