Newest jokes

Boston Globe, April 13, 1990

Is there justice in this world? Well, in Jacksonville, Fla., an Internal Revenue Service car parked outside the federal courthouse was "booted" for unpaid parking tickets, forcing tax collectors to fork over $122.50 to set it free.

The IRS had to pay $95 for five tickets, a $25 removal fee plus $2.50 for processing to get the boot taken off, said Gertrude Bradley, clerical supervisor for the city parking division.

With the tax-filing deadline closing in, courthouse employees were chuckling about the IRS' misfortune. But the agency was not amused.

- We're not pleased with it - said spokesman Holger Euringer.

Yeah, we're all really upset.

When the Sudanese government showed an interest in buying two Russian transport planes to ferry supplies to famine-ridden ares in the south, the acting Soviet ambassador allowed the Sudanese to test-fly the aircraft. They flew to rebel-held Yirol and bombed the city, pushing bombs out of the cargo doors.

In Atlanta, U.S. District Judge Charles Moye overturned a death sentence for a murderer because the jury that convicted him 10 years ago had asked for a Bible during deliberations.

The odds of winnning the California lottery by matching all six numbers are 14 times greater than the odds of being struck by lightening, according to Lottery magazine. the figure drops to nine times greater in New Jersey, six times greater in Pennsylvania, and four times greater in Connecticut.

As public television viewers in 12 cities sat glued to their sets while doctors in Philadelphia reconstructed 15-month-old Michele Miller's skull during a two-hour operation broadcast live, the girl's parents, Lynn and Paul Miller of Princeton, N.J., opted to watch "The Wizard of Oz" instead.

"Unlawful to Pass School Bus from Either Direction"

I guess that some people misunderstood that, because now it reads:

- Unlawful to Pass Stopped School Bus from Either Direction.

A little boy wrote this letter to his grandmother:

Dear Grandmother,
I'm sorry I forgot your birthday last week. It would serve me right if you forgot mine next Tuesday.

With love,
Mike

GET OUT YOUR 'PORTABLE HAND-HELD COMMUNICATIONS INSCRIBERS'

WASHINGTON - When is a pencil not a pencil? When it's on a Pentagon shopping list - then it's a "portable hand-held communications inscriber," says a Republican senator.

On a recent flight, an elderly passenger kept peering out the window.

Since it was totally dark, all she could see was the blinking wing-tip light.

Finally, she rang for the flight attendant:

- I'm sorry to bother you - she said, but I think you should inform the pilot that his left-turn indicator is on and has been for some time.

The German controllers at Frankfurt Airport were a short-tempered lot. They not only expected you to know your parking location but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (PanAm 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground and a British Airways 747 (radio call Speedbird 206) after landing.

- Speedbird 206: Good morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active.

- Ground: Good Morning, taxi to your gate.

The British Airways 747 pulls onto the main taxiway and stops.

- Ground: Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?

- Speedbird 206: Stand by, ground, I'm looking up the gate location now.

- Ground (impatiently): Speedbird 206, have you never flown to Frankfurt before?

- Speedbird 206 (coolly): Yes, in 1944. But I didn't stop.