Newest jokes

Gum Robbery

Kenneth Jeffries, 24, was arrested in West Haven, Conn., in August for robbing a convenience store. Police reported that he had first offered the clerk $1 for a pack of gum as a ruse and then taken $40 in the robbery.

However, said police, Jeffries returned a minute later and asked, uncertainly:

- Did I pay for the gum?

By that time the clerk had summoned police, and Jeffries was soon apprehended.

Talk Show Guests

In July, Danny Fouts and his wife and her sister, in New York City to appear on the "Sally Jessy Raphael" show to discuss their arrest for shoplifting their wedding supplies on their wedding day in March, were arrested for stealing from the New York Ramada Hotel the TV show had booked them in for their stay.

Locked Bank Door

In Annandale, Va., two armed men rushed the front door of First American Bank just after manager Dwight Smith opened up.

Unknown to the men, the door had locked automatically behind Smith.

The first robber bounced off the door hitting the second man.

They escaped in their van and have not been captured.

Unsanitary Cabbage

The local board of health closed down the Wing Wah Chinese restaurant in South Dennis, Mass., briefly in August for various violations.

The most serious, said officials, was the restaurant's practice of draining water from cabbage by putting it in cloth laundry bags, placing them between two pieces of plywood in the parking lot, and driving over them with a van.

- I've seen everything now. - Said Health Director Ted Dumas.

Sweden's Popular Video

Wednesday, October 21, 1992
The most popular video in Sweden earlier this year was a 60-minute fireplace fire, shown from the point of ignition until it burns into cinders, and featuring a sound-track of fire-crackling wood. Price: about $35.

Home Schooling Call

Bellevue, WA
There's a story circulating through the Bellevue School District about the woman who called wanting information on home schooling.

Both Lake Washington (Renton, WA) and Bellevue districts are noted for their support of home schoolers, and the Bellevue spokesperson was explaining procedures and what to do to the mother on the telephone.

Among other things, the mother needed to file a declaration of intent, a kind of home school registration. The spokeswoman offered to send out the proper form.

The mother gave a Renton address.

The spokeswoman suggested registering the children in her home district in Renton, the Lake Washington School District.

- No way, - said the mother.

- Everyone knows Bellevue schools are much better than Renton schools.

Pager Scam

New York, NY
Police across the nation are warning people who wear pagers to be on the lookout for the latest scam.

According to police, pagers in several states have been beeped by a number displaying a 212 area code (New York) and the prefix 540. When the victims return the call, they are charged $55 on their phone bill.

The call the respondent makes has been electronically linked into a 900 "pay-per-call" system which allows the charge to be added to the phone bill.

- People will look at the number and say 'Gee, who is calling me from out of state? It must be important,' - said an investigator.

Who Was Drunker

Bellevue, WA
On Saturday, police broke up a disturbance between a couple arguing over which one was drunker. Both were arrested and taken to Overlake Hospital for treatment of injuries to their heads.

The police are charging them with disorderly conduct and disturbing the peace, but not assault.

They each injured themselves and not the other.

It seems, according to police and witnesses, that the couple were taking turns bashing their heads into the drywall walls and the wooden door of their apartment in order to prove they were so drunk that they couldn't feel the pain.

Thai Airways Stewardesses

Bangkok, Thailand
A member of the ruling junta who oversees Thai Airways International has ordered the carrier to hire more-attractive stewardesses.

- We have received a lot of complaints that our air hostesses are not pretty enough, too old and unsmiling, - Air Chief Marshal Kaset Rojananil said.

In an interview published in "The Nation", the airline has been hiring too many college-educated women, he said, adding:

- Intelligent women tend not to be good looking.

Alligator Attack

Inverness, FLA
71-yearl-old man fell off a dock and into the jaws of an alligator but said his knowledge of reptiles, gained from watching wildlife programs on television, helped him escape.

- I wasn't a bit afraid. I knew what they usually do, - said George Blinn, who got away from the 7-foot gator by jabbing his thumb in its eye.

Blinn said he has long been a fan of such programs as Wild Kingdom and knew about alligators' general behavior.

He got the chance to use that knowledge when he fell into the canal behind his house. Blinn said the alligator bit him on the left hand and then flopped him over in the water three times before Blinn escaped.