A Polak is hired to paint the lines on the road.
On the first day he paints ten miles, and his employers are amazed. But, the second day he painted just five, and on only the third day, he painted only a mile of the road.
Disappointed his boss asks what the problem was.
The Polak replies:
- Well sir, every day I have to walk farther and farther to get back to the paint bucket.
There are three construction workers on top of a building having lunch. One Italian, one Polak, and one Oriental.
The Italian has a meatball hero, the Oriental has noodles, and the Polak has knockwurst. The Italian and the Oriental are tired of having the same lunches everyday. The Italian says that if he gets a meatball hero the next day that he will throw it off the building. The Oriental says that if he gets noodles tommorow he will also throw it off the building. The Polak says that if he gets knockwurst tommorow he will throw it off the building.
Sure enough the Italian and Oriental workers open their lunch-boxes and they find that they have a meatball hero and noodles respectively. They both throw their lunches off the building. The Polak then throws his sandwich off the building.
The other guys ask him how he knew that it was knockwurst again without even looking.
He responded by saying:
- Because I pack my own lunch.
My girlfriend and I were in a restaurant and this strikingly attractive woman in a short black dress walked by.
My eyes couldn't help but follow her as she passed by our table.
The girlfriend glared at me and snapped:
- So, do you want to date her??
To which I stuttered:
- Ummmm...1968, perhaps?
Reasons Dates Have Given For Standing Someone Up:
- I showed up early and decided I just didn't feel like going out after all, so I went home before you arrived.
- My dog died.
- My neighbor's bird died, and I had to console my neighbor.
- I figured that probably wasn't your real picture, so I didn't bother coming over.
- I overslept.
- I took the wrong freeway exit and got lost, and after 40 minutes, I gave up, turned around, and went home.
- I know I said I'd be at home at 8:00 P.M., but I went out to a movie at 6:00 P.M. and had such a good time out after meeting some friends at the movie that I forgot all about our date and went out to dinner with them.
- I had the address, but forgot which city you lived in.
- Yesterday was the last day of my vacation, so I went two-stepping and ran into my ex there, and we fell in love again during a slow dance, so I can't date you any more, but I'd still like us to be friends.
- My roommate overdosed and I had to take him to the emergency room.
What do you get when you cross a 1-legged Polak with a Mongoloid?
→ A Polaroid One-Step.
Did you hear about the Polak who studied for 5 days?
→ He was scheduled to take a urine test.
Girl Lingo:
- The Franklin Factor: Early to bed and early to rise means it's time to meet more guys.
- The Rat Race: If there's one rat in a room full of nice men, he'll hit on you first.
- The Eyeglass Prescription: Don't wear your glasses on a blind date. You'll look better, and he will too.
- The Ring Rule: A watched telephone never rings.
- The Creep Call: Never pick up the phone on Saturday night. It's a call from a creep you told you were busy.
- The Fishing Forecast: They say there are lots of good fish in the sea. But who wants to go out with a fish?
- The Psychological Prognosis: Love is a form of temporary insanity curable by marriage.
- The Rope Trick: Give a man enough rope and he'll lasso another woman.
- Mind Over Matter: No one ever falls in love with another person's mind at a cocktail party.
- The Fault Finder: The faster way to discover all your bad habits is to move in with your lover.
- The Unintended Result: 1) Men's desire for sex sometimes results in intimacy; 1a) Men often go looking for sex and end up finding love; 2) Women's desire for intimacy often results in sex; 2a) Women often go looking for love and end up finding only sex.
- The Rabbit Rule: Only newlyweds and liars make love every day.
- The Dangle Doctrine: You can't keep a good man down.
- Twain's Truth: Familarity breeds children.
- The Fertility Factor: Women are only fertile a few days each month, unless they're single.
- The Preparation Predicament: The longer you spend in the bathroom preparing for sex, the more likely he's fallen asleep by the time you're ready.
A guy noticed that his buddy was troubled and asked what was wrong.
- Ohhh, it's my girlfriend.
- Oh yeah? What's the problem?
"When I asked her if she could learn to love me," he said, "she asked me how much I was willing to spend on her education."
Two girls are having coffee when one notices that the other girl seems troubled and asks her:
- Is something bugging you? You look anxious.
- Well, my boyfriend just lost all his money and life savings in the stock market - she explained.
- Oh, that's too bad - the other girl sympathized.
- I'm sure you're feeling sorry for him.
- Yeah, I am - she said.
- He'll miss me.
Things Not To Do While Waiting For Your Date At Her Parents' House
