Newest jokes

How do you keep a man from wanting sex?
→ You marry him!

- Husband: Honey, has the mailman come yet?

- Wife: No, but he's panting and sweating pretty hard.

- You know - a guy told his buddies.

- I'm a lucky man.

- I never realized how much my wife loved me until the other day when I had to stay home sick from work.

- What did she do? - someone asked.

- She was so happy to have me home - he said.

- that every time someone came to the door, like the mailman or milkman, she'd shout, 'My husbands home! My husband's home!'

Marriage for women has its ups and downs. How?

The toilet seat is up and the hubby's sex interest is down.

I saw my old girlfriend the other day and she had her wedding ring on the wrong finger.

When I pointed this out to her, she said:

- I know, I married the wrong man.

A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a shotgun.

- It's for my husband - she tells the clerk.

- Did he tell you what gauge to get? - asked the clerk.

- Are you kidding? - she says.

- He doesn't even know that I'm going to shoot him!

Yo mama so fat, when she plays hopscotch, she plays like this...

New York, Chicago, New Orleans, L.A.

When the husband came home from his job, he found his wife crying.

- Your mother insulted me, very much - she sobbed.

- My mother? How could she do that when she's on a vacation on the other side of the world?

- I know. But this morning, a letter addressed to you arrived. I opened it, because I was curious.

- And?

- At the end of the letter, it was written: P.S. Dear Catherine, when you've read this letter, don't forget to give it to my son.

A husband and wife were fighting about their sex life.

- You never even tell me when you're having an orgasm! - he yelled.

- How can I? - she shot back.

- You're never here!

My marriage is childless so far, except for my husband!