Wifespeak

Wifespeak / Translation

• You want: You want
• We need: I want
• It's your decision: The correct decision should be obvious by now
• Do what you want: You'll pay for this later
• We need to talk: I need to complain
• Sure...go ahead: I don't want you to.
• I'm not upset: Of course I'm upset, you moron.
• You're so manly: You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
• You're certainly attentive tonight: Is sex all you ever think about?
• I'm not emotional! And I'm not over reacting!: I'm on my period.
• Be romantic, turn out the lights.: I have flabby thighs.
• This kitchen is so inconvenient: I want a new house.
• I want new curtains: and carpeting, furniture, wallpaper....
• I need wedding shoes: the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white
• Hang the picture there: No, I mean hang it there!
• I heard a noise: I noticed you were almost asleep.
• Do you love me?: I'm going to ask for something expensive.
• How much do you love me?: I did something today you're really not going to like.
• I'll be ready in a minute: Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.
• Is my butt fat?: Tell me I'm beautiful.
• You have to learn to communicate: Just agree with me.
• Are you listening to me!?: [Too late, your dead.]
• Yes: No
• No: No
• Maybe: No
• I'm sorry: You'll be sorry.
• Do you like this recipe?: It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it.
• Was that the baby?: Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.
• I'm not yelling!: Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.
• All we're going to buy is a soap dish: It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at few new pocketbooks, and, oh my god, there's a sale in lingerie, and wouldn't these pink sheets look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?

In answer to the question "What's wrong?"

• The same old thing.: Nothing.
• Nothing.: Everything.
• Everything: My PMS is acting up.
• Nothing, really.: It's just that you're such an asshole..
• I don't want to talk about it.: Go away, I'm still building up steam.