Lessons From My Children

Some things I've learned from my children:

- Super glue is forever.

- No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water. Pool filters do not like Jell-O!

- A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. foot house 4 inches deep.

- Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

- Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

- If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of 20 by 20 foot room.

- You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way. And the glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

- Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old.

- VCR's do not eject peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, even though TV commercials show they do.

- Always look in the oven before you turn it on. It's been proven that plastic toys do not like ovens.

- Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.

- If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

- The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy. It will however make cats dizzy. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.