Officer Efficiency Reports

These are actual phrases from Officer Efficiency Reports (performance appraisal for the military officers).

- "Not the sharpest knife in the drawer."

- "Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching."

- "A room temperature IQ."

- "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together."

- "A gross ignoramus---144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."

- "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."

- "A prime candidate for natural deselection."

- "Bright as Alaska in December."

- "One-celled organisms outscore him in IQ tests."

- "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."

- "Fell out of the family tree."

- "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."

- "Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it."

- "He's so dense, light bends around him."

- "If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate."

- "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

- "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."

- "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."

- "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."

- "Takes him an hour and a half to watch 60 minutes."

- "Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby."

- "Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."