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Your mother does not remove the marlboro from her lips before telling the state patrolman to kiss her ass.

You grow your sideburns longer and fuller because it looks so good on your sister.

Less than half the cars you own run.

Your junior-senior prom had a day-care center.

Someone asks to see your I.D. and you show them your belt buckle.

You go to a stock car race and don't need a program.

You prefer to walk the excess length off your jeans rather then hem them.

Your lifetime goal is to own your own fireworks stand.

You consider a six pack of beer and a bug-zapper quality entertainment.

There is a stuffed 'possum mounted anywhere in your home.

You've ever done your Christmas shopping at a truck stop.

The highlight of your family reunion was your sister's nude dancing debut.

These 2 hunters was hunting one day and this one hunter fainted. The other hunter didn't know what to do, so he called 911. When the person answered the hunter told them that his partner was dead. The person on the other end said calm down and make sure your partner was dead and all of a sudden the person heard a gun shot and the hunter came back on the line and said ok he's dead for sure.

Your high school annual is now a mug shot book for the police department.

You've ever been blacklisted from a bowling alley.

You've ever spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.

You own more then three shirts with the sleeves cut off.

You think potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'oeuvre.

You've ever used lard in bed.

Your richest relative buys a new house and you have to help take the wheels off of it.

You might be a redneck if you think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines."

You might be a redneck if you lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off it's wheels.

You might be a redneck if the centerpiece on your dining room table is an original signed work by a famous taxidermist.

You might be a redneck if you've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You might be a redneck if your house still has the "WIDE LOAD" sign still on it.