Women

Should I have a baby after 35?

No, 35 children is enough.

Three women were sitting at a bar having a few drinks.

After a while the conversation started turning a littlerude and crass. Soon the women were getting louder andthey were arguing about how wide their snatches were.(This happens all the time.) The first woman got up on the bar, lifted her leg,grabbed a baseball bat and slid it home. All the people in the bar were watching, hooting andhollering, throwing money. Five minutes later the second woman got up, lifted herleg, grabbed a bowling ball and slid it in. People were going ballistic. Finally the third women very casually got up on the barand asked for a quarter. She slid it in..... and thejukebox starts playing.

A woman participating in a survey was askedhow she felt about condoms. She said, "Depends on what's in it for me."

Two old friends are having coffee when the first woman says,"I hear that you've been telling people that I'm ugly!"

"Oh NO! I've just been saying that your new hairdo makes youlook less attractive."

"I also heard that you've been calling me fat?!?"

"Oh NO! I just said that the way you wear those stripesmakes you look larger than you really are."

"I've also heard that you're saying that my husband has a warton his dick!"

"Oh NO! I only said that it feels like he has a wart on his dick!"

Q: How many women with PMS does it take to screw in alight bulb?

A: One. ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE?

Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change alight bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT.

They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYSbefore they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out theywouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact thatthey've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the pastSEVENTEEN YEARS. But if they did, by some miracle,actually find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair thatthey dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change theSTUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! ANDUNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPERTHE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! WHY?!

BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUTTHE GARBAGE!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALLSUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THEHOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS...

I'm sorry...what did you ask me?

Answering Machine Recording:"You have reached the breast self-examination hot line. Please press 1 now.......

Now press the other one."

Two old friends are having coffee when the first woman says, "I hear that you've been telling people that I'm ugly!" "Oh NO! I've just been saying that your new hairdo makes you look less attractive." "I also heard thatyou've been calling me fat?!?" "Oh NO! I just said that the way you wear those stripes makes you look larger than you really are." "I've also heard that you're saying that my husband has a wart on his dick!" "Oh NO! I only said that it feels like he has a wart on his dick!"

"Would you sleep with me for ten thousand dollars?" asked John"Yes, I will." Paula replied.

"Would you do it for one thousand?" he asked.

"Well maybe, or maybe I'd do something else for you."she answered with a wink.

"How about a blowjob for $20?" responded John.

"Hey! What kind of women do you think I am?" Paula snapped, indignantly. "That's already been established, Paula. Now we're just haggling over the price!"

In a recent scientific research project, it was provedthat Beer contains the female hormone oestrogen.

That's why after a six pack you can't drive.

Whats the definition of a perfect woman ? a) Three feet tall with a round hole for a mouth and a flat head so that you can put a pint of beer on it. b) The sports model has pullback ears and her teeth fold in. c) The economy model fucks all night and at midnight turn into a roastbeef sandwich and a sixpack.