Women Jokes

An English professor wrote the words, "woman without her man is a savage" on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.

The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is a savage."

The women wrote: "Woman: Without her, man is a savage."

A wife was berating her husband. He motioned for her to quiet down saying, "Don't unleash the beast in me."

The wife snickered and replied, "Unlike a lot of women, 'dear', I'm not the least bit afraid of a mouse."

A journalist had done a story on gender roles in Kuwait several years before the Gulf War, and she noted then that women customarily walked about 10 feet behind their husbands.

She returned to Kuwait recently and observed that the men now walked several yards behind their wives.

She approached one of the women for an explanation. "This is marvelous," said the journalist. "What enabled women here to achieve this reversal of roles?"

Replied the Kuwaiti woman: "Land mines"

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I notice a remote control for a television set in her purse.

"Do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.

"No," she replied. "But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him."

At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends.

"The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. And stay home at night!"

An old granny overheard and spoke up, "Honey, if that's all you want, get a TV!"

The young Southern belle came to the hospital for a check-up. "Have you ever been x-rayed?", asked the doctor.
"Nope," she replied, "But ah've been ultra-violated."

Why are chorus girls like barge horses?
→ They have to tow the line!

Why are brunettes so proud of their hair?
→ It matches their mustaches.

A guy admired the hair of three girls.
He walked by one and asked, "How'd you get such lovely blonde hair?"

Taking her hand and gently running it through her hair, the girl answered, "It's natural."

The guy walked by the second girl and asked, "How'd you get such pretty brown hair?"

Fluffing her hair, the second girl said, "It's natural."

Finally the guy approached the third girl and asked, "How'd you get such cool green hair?"

Taking her hand and rubbing it up past her nose, then skimming it through the hair, she said, "It's natural."

- America's oldest lady was 115 years old today, and she hasn't got a grey hair on her head.

- How come?

- She's completely bald.