Sex Jokes

What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common?
→ They've both swallowed a lot of semen.

Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom?
→ So she can have a doggie bag for later.

What did one Lesbian frog say to the other Lesbian frog?
→ You know what...we DO taste like chicken!

It was just another day and I was tired of Mr. Goodbar. I saw Miss Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and Fifth Avenue. I whipped out my Million Dollar Bar and whispered "Hey Sweetheart, how'd you like Crunch on My Big Hunk" she replied "Oh Henry, what a Whopper."

Well she immediately went down on my Tootsie Roll and it was pure Almond Joy. I couldn't resist her Charms and reached out and grabbed her Mounds, it was easy to see this little Twix had the Red Hots for me. It was all I could do to hold the Snickers and Crackle as my Butterfinger slipped into her tight little Kit Kat as she screamed "Oh Henry, Oh Henry" soon she was fondling my Peter Pan and Zagnut's. It wasn't long before I blew my Milk Duds to Mars, which gave her a taste of the old Milky Way. She asked about M&M, but I said "Hey Chicklet, no kinky stuff you little Reese's pieces.

Don't be a Zero, be a Lifesaver. Why don't you grab my Whatchamacallit and slip it up your Bit 'O' Honey" (What a piece of Juicy Fruit she was, too!) She screamed "Oh you Cracker Jack, better than the Three Muskteers" as I rammed my Ding Dong up her Rocky Road and into her Peanut Butter Cup. Well I was giving it to her Good 'N' Plenty when all of a sudden...my Starburst! Yeah as luck would have it she started to get Chunky, complained of a Wrigley in her stomach and nine months later out popped "BABY RUTH."

The story takes off where Cinderella just got yelled at by her step-mother, then her fairy godmother comes to her aid.

The fairy godmother says, "I can make you a new dress and give you everything you need to go to the ball... on two conditions!"

"Anything," says Cinderella, "anything!"

"Okay the first condition is you have to wear a diaphram. The second condition is you have to be back by 2:00 AM or else your diaphram will turn into a pumpkin," says the fairy godmother.

So Cinderella goes to the ball and the fairy godmother just waits and waits and then it gets to be 2:00AM, 3:00, 4:00, 5:00 and Cinderella's still not back. Then Cinderella finally shows up and the fairy godmother is astonished as to Cinderella's appearence... no pumpkin!

The godmother asks Cinderella who she was with for she had no idea of a man with such power.

Then Cinderella replies, "Peter, Peter something or other?"

There were three girls in a bar. One girl says...

"I can get a whole hand up my cunt!"

Then the second girl says "well, I can get a whole foot up mine!"

Finally, the other girl says "I don't mean to brag, but could you help me off this stool!"

Your momma so nasty she charges $10 for sex, gives ya lice, when ya comeback to complain she says - "For $10 what do ya expect, lobster?"

10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.
11. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.
12. See if they could finally do splits.
13. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.
14. Cross their legs without rearranging.
15. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes BEFORE closing time.
16. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.
17. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.
18. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts, too.

and, the NUMBER ONE thing men would do if they woke up with a vagina .

1. Finally find that damned G-spot!!!!!

A group of people were in a shipwreck and were stranded on an island.

The group consisted of 12 women and 1 man. After a few months, the women grew horny and it was decided that the man needed to take two women a day and they allowed him to have Sundays off.

One day on a day off, he was just relaxing when he noticed a boat nearing. He felt hopeful that maybe they would be rescued, at last.

The boat was almost to the island when the guy noticed it was a man in the boat. As he got out the first guy said "Oh my God buddy, am I ever glad to see YOU," To which the second guy responded "Well alright sweetie! It's been a long time for me too."

The first man exclaimed "Oh hell, there go my Sundays!"

There was this mexican who was walking down a beach when he found a bottle that contained a genie.

Well he rubbed the bottle and the genie said, "I'll grant you one wish".

So the mexican says - "ok, I wanna be white and I wanna be surrounded by a pussy".

The genie grants the mexicans wish...and turned him into a tampon!