Mom/Dad Jokes

- MONSTER MOTHER: How many times have I told you not to eat with your fingers? Use the spade like everyone else.

What does a monster mom say to her kids at dinnertime?
→ Don't talk with someone in your mouth.

- Little monster: Mom, I've finished. Can I leave the table?

- Mommy monster: Yes, I'll save it for your supper.

- Mother: Why did you just swallow the money I gave you?

- Son: Well you did say it was my lunch money!

Martin ended a letter to his dad with this question, 'Is Washington's picture still on the dollar bill?'

His Father wrote back, 'Of course it is. Why do you ask?'

Martin answered, 'Because it's been so long since I've seen one!'

Little Johnny was crying one day, and his dad asked him why.

'I've lost five cents,' sobbed Johnny.

'Don't worry,' said his dad kindly. 'Here's five more for you.'

At this Johnny howled louder than ever.

'Now what is it?' asked his dad.

'I wish I'd said I'd lost ten cents!'

- Dad, would you like to save some money?

- I certainly would, son.

- Any suggestions?

- Sure. Why not buy me a bike, then I won't wear my shoes out so fast.

Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?"

"My father said it'd be a good idea, sir."

"Oh? And what does your father do?"

"He's in the Army, sir."

As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son had an announcement to make: He'd just signed up at an army recruiter's office. There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle this new situation.

"Oh, come on, quit pulling our legs," snickered one: "You didn't really do that, did you?"

"I'm positive you'd never get through basic training" scoffed another.

The new recruit looked to his mother for help; but she was just gazing at him. When she finally spoke, it was to voice a single question: "Do you really plan to make your own bed every morning?"

The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, "You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly."

On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?"

"Yes," the boy's mother answered.

"And how is your son now?" the psychiatrist asked.

"Who cares?" the mother replied.