Military Jokes

During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move that was spotted by a visiting general.

"You simpleton!" the officer barked. "Don't you know that by jumping and yelling the way you did, you could have endangered the lives of the entire company?"

"Yes sir," the solder answered apologetically. "But, if I may say so, I did stand still when a flock of pigeons used me for target practice. And I never moved a muscle when a large dog peed on my lower branches. But When two squirrels ran up my pants leg and I heard the bigger say, "Let's eat one now and save the other until winter' --- that did it."

- Who likes music? - asks a commander.

- Two soldiers step forward.

- All right. I bought a piano. Take it to my apartment on the fourth floor.

Recruits were shocked at the language the sergeant used in their unit. During a smoke break one young soldier asked:

"Sergeant, where did you le-arn your language?"

"Learnit, hell, it's a gift," proudly informed the NCO.

Two paratrooper recruits in a plane:

- Are you crazy, Vasily? You are going to jump without a parachute.

- Is it mandatory to wear it?

- Sure. It's raining outside.

How is Saddam like Fred Flintstone?
→ Both may look out their windows and see Rubble.

What's the difference between Aeroflot and the Scud Missile?
→ Aeroflot has killed more people.

What is Iraq's national bird?
→ Duck

Did you hear that it is twice as easy to train Iraqi fighter pilots?
→ You only have to teach them to take off.

How many members of the coalition does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ We are not prepared to comment on specific numbers at this time.

What is the best Iraqi job?
→ Foreign Ambassador