Marriage Jokes

Did you hear about the Polak who married an Amish woman?
→ He drove her buggy.

Did you hear about the Polak who thought his wife was trying to kill him?
→ On her dressing table he found a bottle of "Polish Remover".

A boy comes home from school and tells his mother that he got a part in the school play. "What part?" the mother asked.
"I play a Jewish husband," the boy replied.
"Go back to school and tell your teacher that you want a speaking role!"

How do you tell if an Arkansas girl is old enough to marry?
→ Make her stand in a barrel. If her chin is over the top, she's old enough.
If it isn't, cut the barrel down a bit.

One Scot came back from work earlier then usual and saw plumber's car in the front of the house.

- Oh my God, I hope it is her lover.

A woman just back from Arizona was telling her friends about the trip.
"When my husband first saw the Grand Canyon, his face dropped a mile," she said.
"Why, was he disappointed with the view?"
"No, he fell over the edge."

- Wife to Husband: I'll have you know I've got the face of a teenager!

- Husband to Wife: Then you should give it back, you're wearing it out.

How many divorced men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ None, the sockets go with the house.

What's the major cause of divorce?
→ Once is not enough.

A guy calls up his ex-wife and, disguising his voice, asks to speak to himself.

"Sorry, he doesn't live here anymore, we're divorced!"

Next day, the guy does the same thing with the same results.

He does this everyday for a week, and finally his ex-wife realizes who it is that keeps calling.
"Look, Bozo! We're divorced! Finito! End of story! When are you going to get that through your fat head?"

"Oh, I know! I just can't hear it enough!"