Marriage Jokes

A few moments after the daughter announced her engagement, her Father asked, "Does this fellow have any money?"

The daughter shook her head sadly. "Oh Daddy! You men are all alike." sighing deeply, she replied, "That's exactly what he asked me about you."

Returning from her vacation, the young secretary was telling anyone who would listen about what a fun time she had. She then asked for two weeks leave in which to get married.

"But you just had two weeks off," said the boss. "Why didn't you get married then?"

"What and ruin my vacation?" she whined.

Following a bitter divorce a husband saw his wife at a party and sneered, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."

The wife simply sighed and replied, "Yes, dear, I know, but I was in love and didn't really notice."

A man happened to meet his ex-wife at a party, and after a few drinks, he suggested that they might have another try at marriage. His ex-wife sneered in reply, "Over my dead body!"

He downed his drink and replied, "Well, I see you haven't changed one little bit."

Lee was known among his friends for the punctuality with which he sent his wife her alimony payment each month. When he was asked the reason for his haste he shivered and replied: "I'm afraid that if I should ever fall behind in the payments to that witch, she might well try to repossess me."

After the third day of a really torrid honeymoon, the young couple finally emerged from their room and walked into the hotel restaurant. After they were seated, the waiter came over to get their orders. The new husband looked at his bride and said, "You know what I really feel like honey?" "Well sure," she blushed, "But we gotta eat sometime!"

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.

One night they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home, and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home, Mother of Six?"

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!"

A husband and wife went to the fairgrounds. The wife wanted to go on the Ferris wheel, but the husband wasn't comfortable with that. So the wife went on the ride by herself.

The wheel went round and round and suddenly the wife was thrown out and landed in a heap at her husband's feet.

"Are you hurt?" he asked.

"Of course I'm hurt!" she replied. "Three times around and you didn't wave once!"

A guy runs out of a Las Vegas hotel and says to a stranger, "Can you loan me two hundred bucks? My wife had a terrible accident."

The stranger says, "If you need two hundred dollars, what are you using to gamble with?"

The guy replies, "Oh, I've got gambling money."

This day holds a lot of meaning for me. It was on this day two years ago that I lost my dear wife and children.

I'll never forget that game of cards...