Random joke from this category
Some people ask the secret of Anthony's long marriage.
They take time to go to a restaurant two times a week: a little candlelight dinner, soft music, and a slow walk home.
The Mrs. goes Tuesdays; He goes Fridays.
A young couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the husband sarcastically asked:
- Are they relatives of yours?
- Yes, - his wife replied. - I married into the family.
- Hubby: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
- Wife: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
- Hubby: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
- Wife: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"
A man was traveling down a country road when he saw a large group of people outside a house. He stopped and asked a person why the large crowd was there.
A farmer replied:
- Joe's mule kicked his mother-in-law and she died.
- Well, - replied the man, - she must have had a lot of friends.
- Nope, - said the farmer, - we all just want to buy his mule.
A person receives a telegram informing him about his mother-in-law's death. It also enquires whether she should be buried or burnt.
He replies:
- Don't take chances. Burn the body and bury the ashes.
A young husband with an inferiority complex insisted he was just a little pebble on a vast beach.
The marriage counselor, trying to be creative, told him:
- If you wish to save your marriage, you'd better be a little boulder.
There was once a wife so jealous that when her husband came home one night and she couldn't find hairs on his jackets she yelled at him:
- Great, so now you're cheating on me with a bald woman!
The next night, when she didn't smell any perfume, she yelled again by saying:
- She's not only bald, but she's too cheap to buy any perfume!
The following conversation took place one morning between a wife and her husband. They were discussing government cost cuts that they recently heard about in the paper.
- Steve, - his wife said, while reading the newspaper, - it looks like our government is going to cut overhead and trim down the military forces. They are going to eliminate six overaged destroyers.
To which the husband replies:
- Sorry to hear that, dear. I'm sure you'll miss your mother being gone.
Top 17 fatal things to say if your wife is pregnant:
And the Number 1 Fatal Thing To Say If Your Wife Is Pregnant:
Three men die and go to heaven. They meet up with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, and he says:
- Well, there's not that much room left in heaven, so you have to tell me an interesting way that you died, and if it's interesting enough, I'll let you in.
So St. Peter goes into his office and calls in the first man.
He says:
- I was coming home from work one day early, and when I walked in the door, I had a strange suspicion that my wife was cheating on me. I walk into our room and sure enough, find her sprawled out naked alone on our bed. Sure that the guy was in the house, I searched frantically to find him... Under the bed, in the closet... Finally I found him hanging from our ledge on our balcony. Furious, I stepped on his hand and he went plummetting two stories down. However, he landed in a bush and I wasn't sure if he was dead yet. So I pushed the refrigerator out onto him. Later, I felt so guilty I committed suicide.
- Wow - said St. Peter, that's a pretty fantastic story.
So St. Peter calls in the second guy.
He said:
- One day, I was having an argument with my wife. She gets so mad that she pushes me right out the window of our fourth-story apartment. So, quickly I grabbed onto the ledge of a balcony on the second floor. Then, suddenly, some nutcase steps on my hand and I go plummeting to the ground. Luckily I landed on a bush, but then the nutcase drops a fridge on me!
Then St. Peter called in the third guy. He says:
- Alright, picture this: You're naked, and in a refrigerator...
