Ethnic

During the Six Day War, this division of Arabs is making its way across the burning desert sands towards Israel, when the Arab commander, bouncing along in his jeep, spots an aged Israeli on top a distant sand dune. The commander drops his binoculars and shouts orders to a foot soldier to run up ahead and kill the infidel Israeli. The soldier sprints ahead of the advancing troops, and soon disappears over the sand dune. The general stops the troops and waits to see what happens.

Nothing happens. The commander sends a whole platoon of soldiers to investigate. All twelve Arabs disappear over the sand dune, never to be seen again. The now-slightly-anxious commander dispatches 3 tanks to find out just what in the heck is going on, and they disappear over the dune, too. Sweat pours down the commander's forehead as he orders his entire division to overrun the solitary Israeli behind the sand dune.

But just then, the first soldier reappears on the distant sand dune and cups his hands to his lips. "Go back!" he shouts. "Go back! It's hopeless-- there's TWO of them!"

A German tourist walks into a McDonald's in New York City and orders a beer. (In Germany and many parts of Europe, McDonald's actually does serve beer.) The local guy in the line behind him immediately gives him the jab: "They don't serve BEER here, you MORON!" The German fellow felt pretty stupid, but suddenly turns to the New Yorker with a surprised look, and begins to chuckle.

"And what's so funny?!?" the New Yorker demands.

"Oh, nothing really, I just realized that you came here for the food."

A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos and he notices that she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replies, "This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. It identifies that American Indians have the longest average penis and Polish men have the biggest average diameter. By the way my name is Jill. What's yours?" He coolly replies, "Tonto Kowalski, nice to meet you."

Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye (or maybe it was Neil McNell from Barra, but anyway..) went to study at an English university and was living in the hall of residence with all the other students there. After he had been there a month, his mother came to visit him (no doubt carrying reinforcements of tatties, salt herring, oatmeal and whisky).

"And how do you find the English students, Donald?" she asked. "Mother," he replied, "they're such terrible, noisy people. The one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall and won't stop. The one on the other side screams and screams all night."

"Oh Donald! How do you manage to put up with these awful noisy English neighbours?"

"Mother, I do nothing. I just ignore them. I just stay here quietly, playing my bagpipes."

How many Los Angeles police officers does it take to beat up a black motorist?
→ None. He fell down the stairs.

Now that Uday & Qusay have been eliminated, a lot of the lesser-known Hussein family members are coming to the attention of American authorities.

Among the brothers:

• Sooflay ... the restauranteur
• Guday ... the half-Australian brother
• Huray ... the sports fanatic
• Bejay ... the gay brother
• Kuntay & Kintay ... the twins from the African mother
• Sayhay ... the baseball player
• Ojay ... the stalker / murderer
• Gulay ... the singer / entertainer
• Ebay ... the internet czar
• Biliray ... the country music star
• Ecksray ... the radiologist
• Puray ... the blender factory owner
• Tupay ... the one with bad hair

Among the sisters:

• Pusay ... the 'loose' 22 yr old
• Lattay ... the coffee shop owner
• Bufay ... the 300 pound sister
• Dushay ... the clean sister
• Phayray ... the zoo worker in the gorilla house
• Sapheway ... the grocery store owner
• Ollay ... the half-mexican sister
• Gudlay ... the prostitute

More will, no doubt, be discovered...including A.A. Sidday, Oz weekend TV Host.

Fidel dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, St. Peter tells him that he is not on the list and that no way, no how, does he belong in heaven. Fidel must go to hell. So Fidel goes to hell where Satan gives him a hearty welcome and tells him to make himself at home.

Then Fidel notices that he left his luggage in heaven and tells Satan, who says, "No hay problema, I'll send a couple of little devils to get your stuff."

When the little devils get to heaven they find the gates are locked - St. Peter is having lunch - and they start debating what to do. Finally, one comes up with the idea that they should go over the wall and get the luggage.

As they are climbing the wall, two little angels see them, and one angel says to the other, "My goodness! Fidel has been in hell no more than ten minutes and we're already getting refugees!"

A worldwide survey has been carried out with the following question: "PLEASE, GIVE US YOUR OPINION ON THE LACK OF FOOD IN THE REST OF THE WORLD"

No result was achieved, since the following problems were faced during the survey's implementation:

1. In Western Europe no one knew what is "lack"
2. In Africa no one knew what is "food"
3. In Eastern Europe no one knew what is "opinion"
4. In South America no one knew what is "please"
5. In the USA no one knew what is "rest of the world"

Saddam HUSSEIN of Iraq wanted a special postage stamp issued, with his picture on it. He so instructed his Postmaster General, stressing that it should be of international quality.

The stamps were duly released of the stamp, he began hearing complaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and become furious. He called the chief of the Secret Service and ordered him to investigate the matter.

The chief checked the matter out at several post offices, and then reported on the problem to him.

He said: "Sir, the stamp is really of international quality. The problem is, our citizens are spitting on the wrong side!"

Why are there no Olympic Team Cuban swimmers?
→ Cause all the Cuban who can swim are here already!