Ethnic

A Polish guy is walking along the beach in France. There are many beautiful women lying in the sun, and he really wants to meet one. But try as he might, the women don't seem to be at all interested. Finally, as a last resort, he walks up to a French guy lying on the beach who is surrounded by adoring women.

"Excuse me," he says, taking the guy aside, "but I've been trying to meet one of those women for about an hour now, and I just can't seem to get anywhere with them. You're French. You know these women. What do they want?"

"Maybe I can help a leetle beet," says the Frenchman. "What you do ees you go to zee store. You buy a leetle bikini sweeming suit. You walk up and down zee beach. You meet girl very qweekly zees way."

"Wow! Thanks!" says the Polish guy, and off he goes to the store. He buys a skimpy red bathing suit, puts it on, and goes back to the beach. He parades up and down the beach but still has no luck with the ladies.

So he goes back to the Frenchman. "I'm sorry to bother you again," he says, "but I went to the store, I got a swimsuit, and I still haven't been able to meet a girl."

"Okay," says the Frenchman, "I tell you what you do. You go to zee store. You buy potato. You put potato in sweeming suit and walk up and down zee beach. You will meet girl very, very qweekly zees way."

"Thanks!" says the guy, and runs off to the store. He buys the potato, puts it in the swimsuit, and marches up and down the beach. Up and down, up and down he walks, but the women will hardly even look at him. After half an hour he can't take it anymore and goes back to the Frenchman.

"Look," he says, "I got the suit, I put the potato in it, and I walked up and down the beach-- and still nothing! What more can I do?"

"Well," says the Frenchman, "maybe I can help you a leetle beet. Why don't you try moving zee potato to the FRONT of zee sweeming suit?"

A Journalist has to write a story on the lack of meat in Poland. So he goes off to Poland and asks the people: "Excuse me, what do you think of the lack of meat in Poland?"

All the Poles reply: "Meat? What is meat?"

Seeing he cannot get an answer in Poland he goes to the USSR and asks the Soviets: "Excuse me, what do you think of the lack of meat in Poland?"

All the Soviets reply: "Think? What is think?"

Seeing he cannot get an answer in the USSR he goes to the USA and asks the Americans: "Excuse me, what do you think of the lack of meat in Poland?"

All the Americans reply: "Lack? What is lack?"

Seeing he cannot get an answer in the USA he decides to go to Israel, and asks the Israelis: "Excuse me, what do you think of the lack of meat in Poland?"

To which all the Israelis reply: "Excuse me? What is excuse me?"

One Russian and one Polish workman were digging the foundations for a new road. After several hours of hard toil, the Polish guy hits his shovel on something hard in the ground.

Both men work hurriedly to dig the object out and discover that its a treasure chest. On opening it they find jewels, coins, gold etc. beyond their wildest dreams. Both are wild with happiness and dance around madly.

When they have calmed down, the Russian takes the Polish workman's hand and ernestly says "Sir, we will share this just like Russian - Polish comrades should" and the Polish guy says, "Oh no, 50 - 50"!

Two Poles, Markowski and Krachevski go to France on a pleasure trip. They meet this Frenchman called Jean Paul and become good pals. Jean Paul finds these two Poles some-what amusing and so he goes all out to make them happy. He treats them at pubs, bars, discotheques.

This goes on for a while until one fine day Jean Paul does not turn up. The Poles assume that some important work would have held him up and do not take a serious note of it. But, perhaps something was serious as Jean Paul does not turn up for next five days.

At this the Poles get alarmed and go to the police station to lodge a report. The inspector asks them to give details of the person who's missing. The following conversation follows:

- Markowski: Well, his name is Jean Paul.

- Inspector: It's a very common name in France. Something more please.

- Krachevski: Well, he is very tall.

- Inspector: Most of the people in France are tall. Big deal.

- Markowski: Well, he's got blue eyes.

- Inspector: Oh! no. Something more substantial.

- Krachevski: I got it. This is slightly uncommon. I'm sure now you shall be able to track him. You see, He's got two holes in his ass.

- Inspector: (shocked): Well, well, that's curious. Are you sure?

- Krachevski: Ya! Ya!

- Inspector: Are you definitely sure that this very personal info you have is CORRECT?

- Krachevski: Most certainly.

- Inspector (still skeptical): But how're you so sure?

- Krachevski: Simple. Whenever we used to go with him to the bar, everyone used to greet him as "Here comes Jean Paul with the two ass-holes!"

Did you hear about the Polish Admiral who wanted to be buried at sea when he died?

Five sailors died digging his grave.

A Polish man was walking down the street, carrying a brown paper bag. He ran into one of his friends, who asked, "Hey! What do you have in the bag?"

The man tells his friend that he has some fish in the bag.

His friend says, "Well, I'll make you a bet. If I can guess how many fish you have in the bag, you'll have to give me one."

The man says, "I'll tell you what. If you tell me how many fish I have in this bag, I'll give you both of them."

Who wears a dirty white robe and rides a pig?
→ Lawrence of Poland

Who wears a forest ranger's hat and carries a can of kerosene?
→ Stanislaus the Fire Prevention Bear of the Polish National Forest Service.

A Polak, a black guy, and a white guy were driving through the desert when they suddenly ran out of gas. They all decided to start walking to the nearest town (which they had passed 50 miles back) to get some help.

A rancher was sitting on his front porch that evening when he saw the white guy top the horizon and walk toward him. The rancher noticed that the white guy was carrying a glass of water, so when he was within hearing distance, the rancher said, "Hi there...what are you doing carring a glass of water through the desert?"

The white guy explained his predicament and explained that since he had a long way to go, he might get thirsty, so that's why he was carrying the water.

A little while later the rancher noticed the black guy walking toward him with a loaf of bread in his hand. "What are you doing?" asked the rancher again.

As before, the black guy explained the situation and said that since he had a long way to go, he might get hungry and that's why he had the bread.

Finally the Polak appeared, dragging a car door through the sand. More curious than ever, the rancher asked, "Hey, why are you dragging that car door?"

"Well," said the Polak, "I have a long way to go, so if it gets too hot, I'll roll down the window."

Did you hear about the tragedy in Poland? In Poland's largest shopping mall, there was a terrible power outage. People were stuck on the escalators for 4 hours.