Ethnic

This married couple was on holiday in Pakistan. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed this small sandal shop. From inside they heard a gentleman with a Pakistani accent say, "You, foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop." So the married couple walked in.

The Pakistani man said to them, "I have some special sandals I think you'd be interested in. They make you wild at sex like a great desert camel."

Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man had claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex god he was. The husband asked the man, "How could sandals make you into a sex freak?"

The Pakistani man replied, "Just try them on." Well, the husband, after much badgering from his wife, finally conceded to try them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes; something his wife hadn't seen in many years--- raw sexual power. In a blink of an eye, the husband rushed the Pakistani man, threw him on a table and started tearing at the guy's pants. All the time the Pakistani man was screaming, "YOU HAVE THEM ON THE WRONG FEET!"

An American, an Australian and an Irishman were stranded on an island for several days. One day a bottle washed ashore and when they picked it up, a genie rushed out. Oh masters, he said. For releasing me from this bottle you will each have one wish. The American said: I wish to be surrounded by a bevy of beautiful girls in Waikiki beach. Whoosh, the American was gone to Hawaii. The Australian said: I wish to be in a casino in the Australian Gold Coast. Whoosh, and off he went. The Irishman could not decide what he wanted. After a long time, he said: Gee, it's very lonely here on this island. I wish my friends were back here!

A foreman at a construction site gathers three of his workers: an Irishman, an Italian and a Chinese. He says to the Irishman, "you're in charge of Sweeping, I want this whole area swept up before I get back". He says to the Italian, "You're in charge of shoveling. I want that pile shoveled into the truck so they can haul it away." He says to the Chinaman, "You're in charge of supplies. No make sure that all gets done before I get back." Three hours later, he returns and none of the work is done. The Irishman says, "I couldnt find a broom. You left the Chinaman in charge of supplies and he disappeared." The Italian says "And I couldn't find a shovel". So the forman starts walking and looking for the chinaman. Just then, the Chinaman jumps out from behind a pillar and screams "SUPPLIES!!"

Once there were 3 Chinese mothers in a church.

They always liked to compete with their sons.

- First mother: My son is a priest. Whenever people see him they say, "Oh my priest!"

- Second mother: Oh yeah, my son is a bishop. Whenever they see him they say, "Oh my bishop!"

- Third mother: (after thinking a bit) Well my son is a fat, lazy pig and whenever people see my son they say, "Oh my God!"

A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path after finishing off a considerable amount of whiskey at a local pub. As he staggered down the road, he felt quite sleepy and decided to take a nap, with his back against a tree.

As he slept, two young lasses walked down the road and heard the Scotsman snoring loudly. They saw him, and one said, "I've always wondered what a Scotsman wears under his kilt."

She boldly walked over to the sleeping man, raised his kilt, and saw what nature had provided him at his birth.

Her friend said, "Well, he has solved a great mystery for us, now! He must be rewarded!" So, she took a blue ribbon from her hair, and gently tied it around what nature had provided the Scotsman, and the two walked away.

Some time later, the Scotsman was awakened by the call of nature, and walked around to the other side of the tree to relieve himself. He raised his kilt...and saw where the blue ribbon was tied.

After several moments of bewilderment, the Scotsman said...

"I don't know where y'been lad...but it's nice ta'know y'won first prize!"

Why isn't gambling allowed in Africa?
→ Because of all the cheetahs.

What is the difference between a newfie and a bucket of shit...
→ The Bucket

A long time ago, way back then...we used to spell Canada, Cnd.

Why? you ask. Well it's really simple...

It's because we forgot the eh?

A swedish man was bored. He was bored with his work, bored with his life in general. He felt as there was nothing waiting for him in this life... ...until one day, in the breakfast table, he was reading the morning paper, when he saw an article, which would change his life. It said: "...

Scientist's had found out, that somewhere in Africa, one could still find tribes of genuine cavemen, untouched by civilization. Only thing needed was to find the correct cave and shout "Wohoo!!" and the tribe would answer to this call."

"This is it!" the swede thought. "This is what I've been waiting for! I'll sell everything I own, go to Africa, find these cavemen, and become rich and famous!"

And so he did. He sells everything, moves to Africa and starts looking for the tribe. But cave after cave after cave, no answer. No cavemen. Until one day, yet another cave, and another yell: "Juhuuu!!" And then he heard it! " WWOOOOUU WOOOOOO !!!! " "Härregud!" The Swede thought, "A whole tribe!" And just as he was starting to run to the cave, he thought: "Now wait a minute. These are cavemen. They don't wear any clothes, and I might scare then off." So he stripped his clothes off quickly, and started to run into the cave.

And the following day, he was in the headlines all over the world: "Naked Swede ran over by a train in Africa"

How do you keep a black kid from jumping on the bed?
→ Put velcro on the ceiling.