Animal Jokes

Why doesn't the dinosaur cross the road anymore?
→ Because their eggs stink. (They're extinct)

A man went to work for a zoo veterinarian.

- Look in the lion's mouth - the vet told him.

- How do I do that? - he asked.

- Carefully - replied the vet.

Father and son standing outside the elephant's cage in the Moscow Zoo. Father tells son, "If we stand around here long enough, one of them will throw some food at us."

The manager of a large city zoo was drafting a letter to order a pair of animals. He sat at his computer and typed the following sentence:

- I would like to place an order for two mongooses, to be delivered at your earliest convenience.

He stared at the screen, focusing on that odd word mongooses. Then he deleted the word and added another, so that the sentence now read:

- I would like to place an order for two mongeese, to be delivered at your earliest convenience.

Again he stared at the screen, this time focusing on the new word, which seemed just as odd as the original one. Finally, he deleted the whole sentence and started all over.

- Everyone knows no full-stocked zoo should be without a mongoose, - he typed.

- Please send us two of them.

One day the zookeeper noticed that the orang-utang was reading two books -- the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species.
In surprise he asked the ape:

- Why are you reading both those books?

- Well, - said the orang-utang, - I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother.

A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence. He was out the next morning, just roaming around the zoo. A twenty-foot fence was put up. Again he go out. When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo:

- How high do you think they'll go?

- About a thousand feet, unless somebody locks the gate at night! - said the kangaroo.

How do sheep keep warm in winter?
→ Central bleating!

- Waiter, waiter, do you have frog's legs?

- Certainly, Sir!

- Well hop over here and get me a sandwich!

A vampire bat came flapping in from a night of foraging, covered in fresh blood. He parked himself on the cave's roof to get some sleep.
Soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to shut up and let him get some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in.

- OK, follow me.

He flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.

- Do you see that tree over there?

- YES, YES, YES!! - the bats all screamed in a frenzy.

- Well I didn't!

There are bats hanging of a branch upside down, all except one. Two bats comment:

- What's happened to this one?

- I don't know, two minutes ago he seemed normal and then he fainted.