Newest jokes

What do you get if you cross King Kong with a giant frog?
→ A monster that climbs up the Empire State Building and catches aeroplanes with its tongue.

What happened when King Kong swallowed Big Ben?
→ He found time-consuming.

What do you do if King Kong sits in front of you at the cinema?
→ Miss most of the film!

Why did King Kong join the army?
→ To learn about gorilla warfare.

After being away on business, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.

- How about some perfume? - he asked the cosmetics clerk.

She showed him a bottle costing $50.00.

- That's a bit much - said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00.

- That's still quite a bit - Tim complained.

Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle.

- What I mean - said Tim - is I'd like to see something really cheap.

The clerk handed him a mirror.

The Judge admonished the witness:

- Do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth?

- I do.

- Do you understand what will happen if you are not truthful?

- Sure - said the witness - My side will win.

A red-faced judge convened court after a long lunch. The first case involved a man charged with drunk driving who claimed it simply wasn't true.

- I'm as sober as you are, your honor - the man claimed.

The judge replied:

- Clerk, please enter a guilty plea. The defendant is sentenced to 30 days.

Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers:

- So - he said - I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe. Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably.

- You, attorney Leon, gave me $15,000. And you, attorney Campos, gave me $10,000.

The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a check. He handed it to Leon ...:

- Now then, I'm returning $5,000, and we're going to decide this case solely on its merits.

The defendant stood up in the dock and said to the judge:

- I dont recognize this court!

- Why? - asked the Judge.

- Because you've had it decorated since the last time I was here.

The cross eyed judge looked at the three defendants in the dock and said to the first one:

- So how do you plead?

- Not guilty - said the second defendant.

- I wasn't talking to you - the judge replied.

- I never said a word - the third defendant replied.