Newest jokes

A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump.

Sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50. The redhead said:

- I can't take this, you're my friend.

But the blonde insisted saying:

- No. A bet's a bet.

Then the redhead said:

- Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money.

The blonde replied:

- Well, so did I, but I didn't think he would jump again!

A blonde was driving down the road listening to the radio and was quite upset when she heard blonde joke after blonde joke. A little way down the road, she saw another blonde out in a field rowing a boat. The blonde stopped her car and angrily jumped out yelling, "You dumb blonde bimbo! It's blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name! If I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!"

Three blondes were walking through a field when they came across a set of tracks.

The first blonde looked down at the tracks and said:

- I think they could be bird tracks.

The second blonde went to look and said:

- No, I think these are deer tracks.

They stepped aside and the third blonde went over to the tracks. She looked down, then got run over by the train!

Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger.

- I can't seem to get this door unlocked!

- Well you better hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top is down!

Have you seen Stevie Wonder's house?
→ Neither did he.

A blind rabbit and a blind snake ran into each other on the road one day. The snake reached out, touched the rabbit and said:

- You're soft and fuzzy and have floppy ears. You must be a rabbit.

The rabbit reached out, touched the snake and said:

- You're slimy, beady-eyed and low to the ground. You must be a math teacher.

Where do blind sparrows go for treatment?
→ The Birds Eye counter!

How did a blind woman pierce her ear?
→ Answering the stapler.

There were those three guys, a priest, a doctor and an engineer, and they were playing golf. But the group before them was extremely slow and at each hole they waited hours.

Finally the priest asked around, why was that other group was so slow? He was told that they were very courageous firemen who saved the golf course a couple of years ago from a terrible fire, in which they all lost their sight. As a proof of appreciation they were given the right to play on the course whenever they wanted. They like that a lot, but being blind they are just not too good at hitting the ball, let alone finding it after it's hit.

The priest said:

- Oh my this is terrible. Tonight I'll say a little prayer for these courageous souls.

The doctor heard that and said:

- Don't worry. I'll send them to a friend of mine, he's an ophtalmologist and he works wonders.

The engineer said:

- Wait. Why can't they just play at night?

Did you hear about the blind porcupine?
→ He fell in love with a pincushion!