Newest jokes

- Mum - yelled Johnny from the kitchen.

- You know that dish you were always worried that I would break?

- Yes dear, what about it?

- Well your worries are over.

George knocked on the door of his friend's house. When his friend's mother answered he asked:

- Can Albert come out to play?

- No - said the mother.

- It's too cold.

- Well, then - said George.

- Can his football come out to play?

Eddie's father called up to him:

- Eddie, if you don't stop playing that trumpet I think I'll go crazy!

Eddy replied:

- I think you are already, I stopped playing half an hour ago.

- William, I've been told that you have been fighting with the boys next door - said mum.

- Yes, but they're twins, so I wanted some way to tell them apart.

- Mum: How can you practice your trumpet and listen to the radio at the same time?

- Son: Easy. I have two ears!

Dick and Jane were arguing furiously over the breakfast table.

- Oh you're so stupid! - shouted Dick.

- Dick! - said their father.

- That's quite enough of that! Now say you're sorry.

- OK - said Dick.

- Jane, I'm sorry you're stupid.

Ben's dad was building a pine bookshelf and Ben was watching and occasionally helping.

- What are the holes for? - Ben asked.

- They're knot holes - said his dad.

- What are they, then, if they're not holes? - asked Ben.

- Why are you crying, Ted? - asked his mum.

- Because my new sneakers hurt.

- That's because you have put them on the wrong feet.

- But they are the only feet I have.

- Mum: Haven't you finished filling the salt shaker yet?

- Son: Not yet. It's really hard to get the salt through all those little holes!

Young Jimmy was having a snack after school with his Gran.

- Would you like another cookie? - she asked.

- Yes, please - replied Jimmy.

- What good manners you have - said his Gran.

- I do like to hear young people say "please" and "thank you".

- I'll say them both if I can have a big piece of that cake - replied Jimmy!