Newest jokes

How do you tell which is the Groom at a Polish wedding?
→ He's the one with the CLEAN bowling shirt.

What do you call an American with a lavatory on his head?
→ John.

An Irishman joined the American Air Force and was making his first parachute jump. The instructor said:

- When you jump out of the plane, shout Geronimo and pull the ripcord.

When the Irishman woke up in hospital a few days later the first thing he said was:

- What was the name of that Indian again?

An American tourist was visiting a quaint country village, and got talking to a farmer in the local pub.

- And have you lived here all your life, Sir? - asked the American.

- Not yet, m'dear - said the farmer wisely.

- Where's your pencil, Bud? - the teacher asked an American boy who had just come to school in Britain.

- I ain't got one, Sir.

- You're in England now, Bud. Not ain't, haven't. I haven't got a pencil. You haven't got a pencil. They haven't got a pencil.

- Gee! Pop said things were tough in this country, but I didn't know pencils were so hard to come by.

Did you hear about the Polak who married an Amish woman?
→ He drove her buggy.

Did you hear about the Polak who thought his wife was trying to kill him?
→ On her dressing table he found a bottle of "Polish Remover".

Why do Polish hate Cauchy's dog? (hint on Cauchy-Riemann theorem)
→ Because it leaves residues at each Pole.

How do you take census in a Polish village?
→ Roll a quarter down the street, count the legs, divide by two, and subtract one for the Jew who catches it.

How do you know you're flying over Poland?
→ Toilet paper hanging on the clotheslines.