Newest jokes

- That crust on the apple pie was too tough.

- That wasn't the crust, that was the pie plate.

- I thought the meals here were supposed to be like mother used to make.

- They are. She couldn't cook either.

- I didn't order this.

- I know, but your meal tastes worse.

- How long must I wait for that turtle soup I ordered?

- Well, you know how slow turtles are.

- How come the Board of Health hasn't come in and closed you up?

- They're afraid to eat here.

- Do you have bacon and eggs on the menu?

- No, we clean our menus regularly.

- Waiter, waiter! There's a wasp in my dessert.

- So that's where they go to in the winter.

- Waiter, waiter, there's a hand in my soup.

- That's not your soup, sir, that's your finger bowl.

- Waiter, waiter, this lobster's only got one claw.

- It must have been in a fight, sir.

- Then bring me the winner.

- I say waiter, there's a fly in my soup!

- Well throw him a doughnut - they make fantastic life belts!